G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Mini-Series 2, Episode 2
"The Revenge of Cobra Part 2: The Vines of Evil"
Original Airdate: September 11, 1984
Writer: Ron Friedman
Director: Dan Thompson
Cast: Bill Ratner, Bill Morey, Chris Latta, Michael Bell, Arthur Burghardt, Kene Holliday, Zack Hoffman
For an episode with all kinds of chaotic weather, this one has zero chill. So much happens in this episode, I could spend an entire 8-hour shift breaking it down beat by beat. But I don't have the time for that, so we gotta speed through the details and focus on what's actually interesting: meet and greets at 1980s toy stores. You'll see.
But first, the plot. I'll split this up into the two main storylines.
We left off last week with Flint (Ratner), Roadblock (Holliday), Mutt (Morey), and Junkyard trapped in the Pit of Chaos, ensnarled in Destro's killer vines. Fortunately Mutt figured out the vines' weakness: heat. He manages to dry out the vines with his otherwise wrecked Skystriker's engine, keeping the vegetation at bay while the Joes kitbash a helicopter together from Skystriker scraps. They manage to put something together that gets off the ground, but Roadblock — hanging off the side — lets himself be taken by the vines rather than become an anchor on their getaway vehicle.
This is really our introduction to three new Joes, and it's immediately effective. Roadblock's a standout from the jump, with that warm, raspy voice and those indelible couplets. Kene Holliday's performance is one of the series' best, and it manages to pull together all of Roadblock's intentionally disparate personality traits (the aspiring gourmet chef who also carries the biggest, loudest gun on the battlefield). And Roadblock's selfless move to stay behind? It makes you love the guy, immediately.
Now, yeah, there is probably some weirdness around the Black Joe rhyming all of his lines, either as an homage to Nipsey Russell or a wink to the nascent hip-hop culture. If Roadblock was just the [groan] rappin' soldier, I think it would absolutely be cringey. But Roadblock is one of the most well-developed, respected, and beloved of all the Joes. And as one of three Black heroes in this episode (there's also Doc and Stalker), Roadblock is not the kind of token character that was common in '80s cartoons.
And then there's Mutt, another strong candidate for Joe I Would Most Like to Marry. He just seems like a sweet guy — maybe it's because he has a really "aw shucks" Massachusetts accent that I find kinda endearing. Note that his filecard places him as from New Jersey, so that's a discrepancy. Plus, he's a dog guy. He's the dog guy! And, uh, sometimes he is literally the dog guy — as in, he bites two people in this episode. Hey — that actually is pulled from his filecard! But still, his concern for Roadblock is sweet. He's got big Cliff Clavin energy, and ... we don't have time to get into my soft spot for Cliff Clavin. We have to move on.
Flint and Mutt's jalopy copter ultimately crashes, immediately after flying over a two-man Cobra outpost. Those two men just so happen to be Flint and Mutt's suit sizes, as our heroes swipe their Cobra uniforms and their Stinger [1984 retail: $6.49]. They end up in what looks like a Southwestern town, one with a "Cobra Cafe." This calls into question the location of Cobra's Desert Temple. One would assume it would be somewhere in, say, the Sahara in North Africa. But Flint and Mutt are able to drive to a town — with an old timey, Old West-style saloon. Are they somewhere in America? I don't think the jalopy copter crossed an ocean.
Despite wearing Cobra uniforms and being accompanied by a Rottweiler, the saloon's toughs try to shake down Flint and Mutt for their weapons. The good guys immediately draw all attention by getting a head start on the impending bar brawl, throwing tables, fists, and morons from one end of the cafe to the other. It's a sight to behold — not because it's good animation. The animation in this episode is frequently rough, but never slipshod. The fight choreography, the emoting, it all remains well-intentioned even if it's not well-executed.
And reading a paper through the brawl is a lone man in a sailor suit. Shipwreck (Neil Ross). The walking, talking embodiment of a dusty VHS copy of The Last Detail.
If the Baroness is the stuff of heterosexual male fantasies, Shipwreck is the homosexual equivalent. Not just because of the innate queer coding of the sailor aesthetic, but because he's just hot — as hot as a hastily-drawn animated character with a light Jack Nicholson lilt can be. He's introduced here as a sort of gun-for-hire, albeit one that Junkyard immediately trusts (and if a Rottweiler likes you ... ). Shipwreck agrees to help Flint and Mutt, even without them really asking, and the three take off on the pirate's sand boat, a sailboat but for the desert.
That takes care of the B plot, and now we gotta get into what Cobra is up to. First and foremost: there are prisoners to throw into gladiatorial combat! I love that every Cobra temple has to have an "arena of sport." And just like in the Silent Castle, Duke (Bell) is once again thrown into battle against an intimidating opponent — this time it's Snake Eyes. Cobra invests so heavily in these arenas, because this is the only thing Cobra Commander (Latta) and Destro (Burghardt) agree upon. These two cannot stand each other, but when they're controlling the actions of two warriors, Street Fighter-style, all of their differences melt away. These arenas of sport are like their Switch 2. So yeah, the battle starts, Duke armed with a lightsaber and Snake Eyes brandishing a trident and net (?).
I love that Destro and Cobra Commander's small talk while playing is centered on which city they're going to destroy with the Weather Dominator (Washington, D.C. is the target). Snake Eyes and Duke overhear it and manage to get a message out to the Joes via Morse code. This spurs the Joes into action. Doc — already established as a field medic and brainwave therapist — wheels out his new invention: an elaborate energy mirror setup that reflects and redirects, uh, energy — like Blowtorch's fire or, as the Joes hope, lightning from a Weather Dominator. Also, wow, Doc — I didn't know that Harvard Medical School's curriculum included mad science.
Fortunately for the Joes, Cobra Commander's new best friend Zartan (Hoffman) has convinced him to assault D.C. with lightning. Destro hates this idea, as that will potentially drain the Dominator's energy and leave Cobra vulnerable to attack. Cobra Commander listens to flattery, not reason, and plans to fry D.C. Destro's hatred of Zartan continues to delight me; Zartan experiences a moment of sunlight aversion, which causes Destro to cackle uncontrollably.
Meanwhile in D.C., after a round of wind and hail, both of which wreck and shatter plenty of energy mirrors, Cobra's lightning assault finally commences. The energy mirrors absorb all the electricity and blast it back at Cobra, blowing up the Weather Dominator and scattering its three pieces to three different climates — climates conducive to Joes with themes, specialized color schemes, and possibly even terrain-specific vehicles and accessories. I wonder how we'll spend the next three episodes???
STRAY BLASTS
I keep meaning to point out — this is the second appearance of Sparks, G.I. Joe's other computer communications guy and the incredibly rare example of a recurring cartoon Joe who never made it to the toy aisle. He's paired here with Breaker, the original comms guy.
Logically, it would make sense for Sparks to be Breaker's replacement, but the Sunbow show bible specifically stated that Breaker is to be used instead of Sparks in future episodes. Sparks will disappear early in Season 1, but will return in Season 2 as a retired Joe. Continuity!
For this recap series, I want to map the cultural impact that G.I. Joe made — and you better believe that involves combing the Newspapers.com archives for mentions. In my digital deep dive of the weeks surrounding the show's premiere in 1983, I came across a number of ads promoting not just the arrival of a new wave of G.I. Joe figures in stores, but also the chance to "MEET G.I. JOE DESTRO LIVE & IN PERSON!"
There are scheduled Destro appearances in Atlanta (above), the Philadelphia area, and a Service Merchandise on Long Island. There are tons more of these, too, including a subset of appearance promotions — like the one below from Kentucky — that tout "the G.I. Joe Action Team of Tripwire & His Arch Enemy, Destro."
Yes, Tripwire! Of all the Joes to not only send to stores for meet and greets, but to try to pass off as Destro's arch enemy — ! I assume that Hasbro had Destro and Tripwire costumes made and sent out to stores for events like this, sales and grand openings. I met an off-brand Ninja Turtle at a grocery store when I was a kid. I remember things like this happening. Now I'm just dying to find any photographic evidence of Tripwire and Destro's climactic, 9 a.m. showdown in a Long Island Service Merchandise.
Thanks to Half the Battle, Yo Joe!, 3D Joes, Joe Guide, and Joepedia for all of their research.
Until next time, reading is half the battle!
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