G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Season 1, Episode 1
"The Pyramid of Darkness Part 1: The Further Adventures of G.I. Joe"
Original Airdate: September 16, 1985
Writer: Ron Friedman
Director: John Gibbs, Terry Lennon
Cast: Chris Latta, Neil Ross, Frank Welker, Corey Burton, Michael Bell, Bill Morey, Bill Ratner, Arthur Burghardt
Finally, the gang's all here. As much fun as the first two mini-series are, they still feel incomplete without the 1985 class of characters — specifically four that are introduced in this, the first proper episode of the G.I. Joe animated series. I'm talking about two dynamic duos: Alpine and Bazooka, and Tomax and Xamot. But more on them later (and in future weeks).
This sudden feeling of completeness isn't just because the '85 class contains many of my personal faves. Because G.I. Joe's cast of characters was determined by an outside entity (Hasbro, sending character designs to Larry Hama, and then sending those designs + bios to Sunbow to make the cartoon), and because cartoons like G.I. Joe were meant to be syndicated and stripped across weekday mornings or afternoons, all 55 episodes airing in just four months, the show cranked out a lot of story featuring this exact lineup of characters. Imagine if G.I. Joe had been ordered to series earlier, and we'd gotten 50+ episodes of the '83 or '84 lineups. Imagine a G.I. Joe series without Quick Kick, or possibly even Shipwreck and Lady Jaye. Or Roadblock, or the Dreadnoks! A dark timeline, truly a world without end (IYKYK).
The series premieres with a brand new opening sequence, one that the show will stick with for the next 54 episodes. Like the '83 and '84 openers, this one highlights the new characters by putting them in a grand battle against Cobra and their massive, reptilian, UFO-shaped mothership. Lots more about the opening credits below in Stray Blasts.
Another year has passed — and I'm just gonna go on and assume that's true in canon as well. After all, Cobra Commander, last seen in Joe custody, is once again free to cause chaos. And Shipwreck — a guy whose day began with reading the paper in a Cobra saloon, followed by skirmishes in the jungle and arctic, and ended with a full-on blitz against Cobra's desert temple — is now a full-fledged Joe. I don't know how the army works, especially the cartoon army of the 1980s. Clearly Shipwreck was already enlisted. Did his naval credits transfer to America's daring, highly-trained special mission force? Or did he have to ... re-enroll? Whatever — me trying to figure out any military protocol is always going to sound very "army had a half day."
The first of the "further adventures" of G.I. Joe involves them essentially chaperoning a space shuttle launch, which will connect with the orbiting Delta Space Station. Watching the animation, a nearly step-by-step sequence of a shuttle readying flight, I was hit with a few thoughts: the first being, "HELL YEAH, SPACE." After two mini-series that took us all across land, sea, and air, it's time for the Joes to enter the final frontier.
My other thought, though, was a realization of just how thoroughly '80s the space shuttle program was — which, duh, the first orbital launch happened in 1981. Finally, we had actual spaceships designed for multiple launches and orbital trips — one step closer to Star Trek being real! This is something I would love to do a deeper dive into but, wow, I have a website to run (please get all your friends to subscribe so we can hire more staff, thus giving me time to go on more heavily-researched tangents).
I will just say this: "Pyramid of Darkness" is absolutely G.I. Joe riding a wave of space-program-mania, possibly at it's peak. That's because, just 134 days after this episode aired, the space shuttle Challenger would explode upon launch, killing all aboard. And the Challenger launch was literally watched live in hundreds, if not thousands, if not every classroom in America. I don't think you could be an elementary-school-aged kid in 1986 without being affected by this tragedy. I was only 571 days old at the time, so I don't have a recollection of this — and I really wonder what it must have been like to be a kid at the time, fully-immersed in space-mania, stoked beyond belief that the Joes were finally going into space, and then having that disaster happen so soon. How did this episode play in reruns?
Anyway — that's where my mind was at as I watched Cobra spring their trap, led by vaguely European yuppie cum acrobat twins Tomax and Xamot. Welcome to my mind.
As per usual, the opening fight is absolute madness as various toys are banged together by Ron Friedman (still the sole author of the franchise) and incoming directors John Gibbs and Terry Lennon. The Crimson Twins give the Cobra Flight Pod (a.k.a. the Trubble Bubble [1985 retail: $2.39]) its most screentime yet, as they're individually attacked by new Joes Alpine and Bazooka.
This battle is an absolute disaster for Cobra. The twins capture the space shuttle in a giant net, but it's quickly cut free by a squad of Joes on jetpacks. With defeat guaranteed, Destro escapes towards Enterprise City in a Cobra Rattler [1984 retail: $9.90]. Then Cobra Commander — my king — calls for an immediate retreat, screams to his fleeing troops to wait for him, and then berates them for surrendering. And, confusing matters even more, CC and the twins are then plucked from impending captivity by two skyscraper-sized "water robots" — which are not robots made of water. No, they are 100-foot tall giant, see-through robots (see: Mutagen Man) that are filled with water. Somehow, the water robots are not the craziest Cobra concoction in this episode!
With Cobra's forces scattered in two directions (really three, as we'll soon learn), the good guys split up to chase 'em down. This splits the narrative up for the rest of the five-parter, starting with Shipwreck, Snake Eyes, and Roadblock diving deep in pursuit of those pesky water robots.
Okay, I forgot two members of the underwater squad: Snake Eyes' wolf Timber, who we only saw briefly in "Revenge of Cobra," and Shipwreck's parrot Polly. Now, pairing Shipwreck with a know-it-all parrot is a very on-the-nose move, and a very Saturday-morning-friendly one at that. Reminder: Shipwreck's a guy who we met in a saloon, who talks like Jack Nicholson, who immediately hit on Lady Jaye (and, honestly, Flint too). His whole vibe is one "damn" away from a TV-14 rating. Giving him a talking animal sidekick immediately softens his rougher edges — but I can't say I mind it, because Polly is a badass? Yeah, I said it. The parrot. Is. A badass. As we'll see in future episodes — as early as next episode.
Roadblock is immediately yeeted from this storyline when he's sucked up and blasted out by one of the water robots. That leaves the truly unlikely duo of Snake Eyes and Shipwreck to infiltrate Cobra's underwater headquarters ... flanked by two animals. In maybe the best line of dialogue Friedman ever wrote for this series, Shipwreck takes stock of their situation, as they approach an operational enemy subway station:
"Sure, who'd notice a wet sailor with a parrot and a silent masked man with a timber wolf. I think we're in major trouble."
This unintended spy mission — remember, these two were just told to chase down some water robots, not infiltrate the secret inner-workings of a Cobra factory — ends up being one of the most memorable for Snakes and ol' Hector X. Delgado. The two of them disguise themselves as Snakelings (the name given to Cobra's 9-to-5 terrorists), make small talk on the subway, and are immediately clocked as intruders by the timecard robot. Uh-oh!
Meanwhile, above ground in Enterprise City, Destro outmaneuvers Flint and Lady Jaye and disappears into a skyscraper. First, this animation sequence, Destro zooming through city streets, harkens back to the Death Star trench run in the best way possible. If you're paying attention, this cartoon will dazzle you with its action choreography! Second — Cobra having a headquarters smack-dab in the middle of a major city? That's something we'll see a lot of in Larry Hama's G.I. Joe comics, starting in 1987. Now, Hama famously did not watch the cartoon, so I can't say that this skyscraper — which I presume to be the Extensive Enterprises building, but it's not called that yet — directly inspired the Cobra Consulate of New York City. Plus, the Consulate maintained Cobra's usual sinister vibe by modeling itself more after a temple/castle and not a modern building. But the parallels are fun to mull over, as Enterprise City is clearly NYC but, uh, across from a desert, separated by Marianas Trench-deep river.
Cobra's new inner circle — Cobra Commander (now in his lounging hood), Destro, and Tomax and Xamot — gathers to revel in the success of their seemingly scattershot mission. The attack was merely a distraction, luring the Joes away while Cobra planted mysterious cargo on the space shuttle. This will give them control of the space station, and allow them to plant four cubes in outer space that, when connected, will envelope Earth in a pyramid of darkness, blacking out all electricity. And who will open said cargo? None other than Zartan, master of disguise, who's already on board posing as a generic Joe.
The space shuttle Joes — Mutt, Dusty, Breaker, Steeler, and Definitely Not Zartan — are tipped off to the additional cargo by sensors both mechanical and animal. Nothing gets past Junkyard's snout, Cobra! Except for Zartan, actually, whose cover is almost blown when his bare skin turns blue after it is caught in the unfiltered and unobstructed and all-consuming light from the sun. Is outer space really the best place to be if you have a supernatural sun allergy?
But Zartan is not alone. The Dreadnoks — Buzzer, Torch, and Ripper — were included in some checked luggage, along with three Ferret ATVs [1985 retail: $3.29]. And that's when the Joes open up the secret cargo, revealing an embarrassment of furry, gray critters with bright pink appendages. These ... are Fatal Fluffies.
And upon hearing a note from Zartan's whistle, they all quadruple in size, mass, and ferocity — and all immediately grab lasers and don belts, boots, armored pants (?). Making matters worse, Cobra uses Delta's weapon to fire upon Joe HQ, leaving it a wreck.
A talking parrot. Water robots. Twins who feel each other's pain. Fatal Fluffies. This is G.I. Joe looking you dead in the eyes and saying, "You want to get nuts? Let's get nuts."
PERSONNEL REPORT
It must be noted that the Crimson twins are seen sporting their version of casual attire, incredibly natty double-breasted blazers with gray trousers. They're giving 1985 Robert Wagner, which I'm not hating.
In fact, I love the twins. My favorite Cobra character truly varies by the day, but I have always loved Tomax and Xamot — perhaps because, thanks to a mail-in offer, they were one of the very few Sunbow-era characters that I had figures of when I was a kid in the late '80s/early '90s.
STRAY BLASTS
I want to look at the hero shots from the opening credits, now that we have the first three to compare.
1983
1984
1985
It's interesting, seeing who the animators — presumably even Hasbro — prioritized over the years. Gung-Ho and Snake Eyes are the only two characters to appear in all three lineups. Duke and Scarlett were ditched for the '85 lineup, Flint and Lady Jaye presumably taking their place. And of the second roster, Roadblock is the only other one to carry over into 1985. Oddly, Breaker — an original '82 Joe — doesn't appear in this shot until 1985! The inclusion of Footloose and Airtight is curious considering how minor their roles will be on the show, but I'm sure this opening sequence had to have been animated before the majority of Season 1 was even written.
If you actually analyze which characters have the most screentime throughout the first 65 episodes of the series, the 14 characters that should be in this lineup are:
- Lady Jaye
- Duke
- Flint
- Shipwreck
- Scarlett
- Gung-Ho
- Snake Eyes
- Roadblock
- Dusty
- Alpine
- Bazooka
- Quick Kick
- Spirit
- Mutt
Those are the lead Joes of '82 to '85, and the numbers don't lie.
... AND COBRA-LA IS WEIRD??
MONEY TO BURN
A year has passed and, in this fake, alternate timeline wherein I am currently a child relying on allowance and/or gifts to build an army, I have added another $5 to my budget and a few more treasures to my collection.
I left 1984 with $1.80 in my piggy bank, and between then and fall 1985, that grew to $6.80. What can I buy? I need a Cobra Commander, and right now he's only available as a mail-in. So — I'm sending Hasbro $1.75 and 3 Flag Points (from Zartan, the Chameleon, and Roadblock) for my cowardly king. Because I'm a little neurotic about making sure one side doesn't outnumber the other, even as a kid, I'm getting Spirit — the standout action hero from "Revenge of Cobra." And I need my queen, Baroness. I am a gay man — and I want my child self to have all the female figures he never had!
That's $6.25 spent and $0.55 in the bank going into 1985. Still waiting for Honda Lou West, though ...
Thanks to Half the Battle, Yo Joe!, 3D Joes, Joe Guide, and Joepedia for all of their research.
Until next time, reading is half the battle!
If you haven't already, consider supporting worker-owned media by subscribing to Pop Heist. We are ad-free and operating outside the algorithm, so all dollars go directly to paying the staff members and writers who make articles like this one possible.
