G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Mini-Series 2, Episode 3
"The Revenge of Cobra Part 3: The Palace of Doom"
Original Airdate: September 12, 1984
Writer: Ron Friedman
Director: Dan Thompson
Cast: Mary McDonald-Lewis, Neil Ross, Bill Ratner, Chris Latta, Kene Holliday, Michael Bell, Morgan Lofting
The first 15 episodes of G.I. Joe consist of three five-part mini-series, which makes watching them feel a bit like being a nine-year-old enduring a marathon shopping spree, birthday party, and Christmas morning. So many characters and vehicles flying around everywhere — it's a lot of fun to watch, even at 41, but how many middle-aged people try to recap their elementary schooler's playdate?
That's not to say there's no value in this initial rat-a-tat-tat of episodes. What they lack in storytelling they more than make up for in storyboarding, character design, one-liners, and voice acting. I'm just really looking forward to getting to a point where all of those strengths are deployed in a story wherein the Joes do more than chase MacGuffins across the world. So — what am I waiting for? There are three new MacGuffins, freshly blown apart to three corners of Earth, and they ain't gonna chase themselves.
But first, we gotta wrap up last episode's cliffhanger — which the episode does immediately. Will Mutt survive being blown away into a sandstorm in either the Sahara or, uh, New Mexico? Yes, yes he will. There's no question. Mutt, Flint, Shipwreck, and Junkyard wait out the sandstorm and then hightail it back to Joe HQ, which is either a few hours drive or a transatlantic flight.
This part of the episode, the pre-MacGuffin chase, is where a lot of character stuff happens — and that's what I care about. First, Shipwreck. After a last act reveal in the previous episode, we get a full episode with the cantankerous sailor as he tags along on the Joes' mission to the titular Palace of Doom. Shipwreck is one of my two favorite Joes, and I think Steve Gerber's assessment of the character (as relayed by Buzz Dixon) sums up why: "You write Shipwreck like Popeye. You play him like Jack Nicholson." Perfect. No notes — because that was, apparently, the only note that voice actor Neil Ross needed to hear in order to lock into the character and land his audition.
In an interview with Pacific Pioneer Broadcasters in 2016, Ross recalled how he got the gig. After giving voice director Wally Burr a few reads that didn't go well, Burr said, "Did you see the movie The Last Detail?" That is, of course, the 1973 film wherein Jack Nicholson plays a sailor — like, a sailor sailor. Hat and everything. It clicked in Ross's mind: "I had this voice that I had done. It was my all-purpose stoner voice. It was a guy who had a few joints and he's really loaded, dude ... I would do it and people would go, 'It sounds a little like Jack Nicholson.' So I thought, all right, we'll take his joint away and we'll fill him full of coffee. And all of a sudden I started to read the lines in this voice with a little bit of intensity." The rest is G.I. Joe history.
Upon returning to Joe HQ — man, could I write 2,000 words about Flint, Lady Jaye, and Shipwreck's immediate chemistry? Yes. Should I? No! And distractions like these are why these recaps take so long to write. I'll just say that Flint and Lady Jaye clearly have a thing going on, but it's not confirmed; Flint's kinda bashful about Lady Jaye worrying about him. Then Flint eagerly introduces Shipwreck to the team, putting a hand on his shoulder and pointing at him.
Yeah, there's chemistry there too — just two strapping men, having come out the other end of a sandstorm together. And then Shipwreck meets Lady Jaye and says he'd rather save her neck, flirtation she brushes off with a firm, "Thanks. But we've got a world to save first. Yo Joe!"
There's something very X-Men about all this, in that G.I. Joe is a makeshift family of people who all also have intense chemistry with each other.
You know who also has chemistry, but in a toxic way? Cobra, especially now that Cobra Commander has invited Zartan and his biker buds into all the high-level meetings. Look at it from the POV of Destro (and, to a lesser extent, Baroness, who keeps her allegiances closer to her armored chest): In the first mini-series, Cobra was run like an alliance between a fascist and an arms dealer. Now Cobra's ranks can be divided into two camps: those who wear sleeves and those who do not.
Cobra Commander lays out the score for the rest of the mini-series. The three parts of the Weather Dominator have been traced to the following places:
- The Ion Correlator is on the Island of No Return
- The Hydro Master is in the Palace of Doom
- The Laser Core is somewhere in the snow, because that's the climate that's left.
First up: the skirmish at the Island of No Return! Led by Baroness with backup by Zartan and the Dreadnoks (who, it should be noted, intentionally leave Baroness high and dry), Cobra's forces go up against the Joes and a giant whirlpool. Even without the Weather Dominator, weather is still out here dominating. There's something deep to that. The Joes' water team consists of Torpedo (who I'm glad to see get some screentime), Cutter (a.k.a. redheaded Tom Selleck, who gives big "single dad" energy), Kentucky Clutch (which is what I'm calling him, since he's absolutely not from New Jersey with that accent), Wild Bill (yee-haw), and Spirit (with bald eagle sidekick Freedom). And Rock 'n Roll and Doc are there too, in non-speaking support roles.
This battle is notable for two things. First: it's the big debut of the Killer W.H.A.L.E., the Joes' hovercraft troop transport [1984 retail: $17.99].
If you're trying to sell me on toys — and I know you are — job well done, cartoon. In a just world, I have a house with a pool and all the Killer W.H.A.L.E.s I can find — and also there'd be justice in that just world. I can dream.
Second: this is the first showdown between Spirit and his archenemy, Storm Shadow. Not Snake Eyes! The Joes and Cobra end up sending one representative in after the Ion Correlator, which leads to Storm Shadow and Spirit facing off. In the most badass move made by a bird in the series so far, Freedom catches a throwing star in his beak. Then the two humans tussle a bit before going over a waterfall.
It is weird that the cartoon just didn't connect Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow — I think at all. As far as I can recall, their only interaction occurs in the opening credits of this mini-series, when Snake Eyes glides in and kicks Storm Shadow over.
Is Spirit a match for Storm Shadow, though? We'll find out next episode.
Now we can move our sites over to the Palace of Doom, a jungle temple — not to be confused with Cobra's desert temple — somewhere presumably in Central or South America. Joe roll call: Recondo (a.k.a. jungle Tom Selleck — the Joes include many iterations of Tom Selleck) leads a quartet of silent, background troops (Blowtorch, Ripcord, Steeler, Breaker) to a rendezvous point where we get some Joes with personalities. There's Flint, Lady Jaye, Shipwreck, and Tripwire, who's playing onlooker to an omnidirectional flirtation triangle. These two factions trap Major Bludd and his troops in a pincer movement (actual war lingo, on this show?!). Lady Jaye proposes to Flint (not like that) that she go on an extraction mission inside the temple with Shipwreck and Gung-Ho, who is also there but was left out of the landing sequences.
Lady Jaye, Shipwreck, and Gung-Ho make it into the temple and recover the Hydro Master, which looks like a top, or a bedpost, or the kind of prop you'd see in a Drag Race mini-challenge.
Unfortunately, the temple is guarded by a giant, stone automaton. Fortunately/unfortunately, the stone-faced guardian clashes with one of Cobra's giant mechs, which provides a distraction for the trio to escape but also another obstacle to escape from.
After appearing in the background of almost every episode, Tripwire finally does something when he alerts Flint that an earthquake is coming. Finally, all the kids that met Tripwire at their local Service Merchandise last fall feel vindicated. This leads to a pretty sick action sequence as the brawling giants burst out of the temple and go skidding across the jungle floor towards a newly formed ravine, hot on the heels of Lady Jaye. She uses a javelin to pole vault across, grabbing hold of Gung-Ho's tree trunk biceps.
Unfortunately, the ground continues to crumble under them, knocking the Hydro Master (which, y'know, doesn't not sound like a toy you'd buy in a shop in WeHo) over and into the arms of Major Bludd. Y'all, Major Bludd is somehow the most consistently competent Cobra officer! Or maybe he's just lucky. The episode concludes with the Shipwreck and Gung-Ho falling to their deaths.
You shoulda stayed in that saloon, Shipwreck!
Oh — and elsewhere, Roadblock has teamed up with Honda Lou West, essentially if Dolly Parton was a truck driver.
PROGRESS REPORT
If we're talking about chain of command, which lord knows G.I. Joe fans frequently are, I think it's important to note that — with Duke a prisoner of Cobra and Flint M.I.A., it's Scarlett who issues an order to Lady Jaye to lead a team to the temple. Girl power, etc.!
While in the back of her 18-wheeler, which has been stolen by Cobra, Roadblock tells Honda Lou that he's a gourmet chef. That's a direct reference to his filecard, so there's some synergy for you.
STRAY BLASTS
Once again, the regional accents are all over the place. Cutter wears a Boston Red Sox hat, which is likely why Gregg Berger is doing a JFK impression for him. Figure designer Ron Rudat intentionally gave Cutter a Red Sox hat, because he's from Boston.
So, why is Cutter from Kansas? Yeah, his filecard lists Kinsley, Kansas as his birthplace. And not just his birthplace — it's where he grew up, because Larry Hama liked the gag of the Joes' coast guard living smack dab in the middle of the country. I also don't know if Hama saw the Red Sox cap, as it's not featured on the Killer W.H.A.L.E. box art, and it's only painted onto the figure, not sculpted. Then again, I don't know if Hama would let a little thing like a baseball cap keep him from making that kind of ironic joke origin, the kind he loved writing on filecards. So that's how you get a Joe from Kansas who roots for the Red Sox.
Thanks to Half the Battle, Yo Joe!, 3D Joes, Joe Guide, and Joepedia for all of their research.
Until next time, reading is half the battle!
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