G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Season 1, Episode 5
"The Pyramid of Darkness Part 5: Knotting Cobra's Coils"
Original airdate: September 20, 1985
Written by: Ron Friedman
Directed by: John Gibbs, Terry Lennon
Cast: Chris Latta, Neil Ross, Corey Burton, Michael Bell, Francois Chau, Lee Weaver, John Hostetter, Frank Welker, Bill Ratner, Arthur Burghardt
Finally. Ten months after I began this journey through A Real American Hero, I've finally made it through the opening 15-part salvo of episodes. Three five-part mini-series, each episode packed with more and more characters, vehicles, weapons, schemes, insults, jokes, and MacGuffins. While I don't consider Ron Friedman to be the definitive voice of G.I. Joe (that honor goes to Larry Hama, of course, as well as, IMO, Buzz Dixon), he still created something truly unique in these 15 episodes: a fast-paced animated action series with a legitimate swagger. All of that is seen in this, the final part of "The Pyramid of Darkness."
We pick up where we left off, with Bazooka, Alpine, and Quick Kick in the cockpit of a crashing Cobra airship. Fortunately for the Joes and their stunt man friend, this particular airship is transporting — ta-da! — Cobra Trubble Bubbles. Our boys hop in the Bubbles and pilot them into a neighboring helicopter, leaping from one airborne vehicle into another fist first and commandeering it. Of course all the various Cobra troopers are seen parachuting to safety. This is how G.I. Joe starts an episode.
Back at Joe HQ, our heroes have gone full "The One with the Blackout" with candles placed on top of blank monitors. "Without the juice, it's no use," mutters Gung-Ho after throwing a screwdriver. Then, suddenly, they receive a transmission from Cobra, who I assume can so acutely target the Pyramid of Darkness that they can give the Joes a little bit of juice in order to taunt them via video call. Cobra is going to be messy and petty, no matter what! The call establishes that Tomax and Xamot have assumed control of Cobra, so much so that Cobra Commander is shoved into the background, jumping up and down just to be seen over the Crimson Twins' armored shoulders.
The sound of cowbells cuts through the tension as — surprise! — Snake Eyes and Shipwreck have made it back to HQ. Via ... cows. Not horses. Cows. Shipwreck hops off his ride, takes a load off, and says to Wild Bill, "Milk our ponies and bring us a glass." I love this show. Anyway — the Cobra laserdisc they snatched earlier, when they were disguised as Snakelings, they have that to share ... if only there was power!
And then there's the space station — you know, the one with all the 8' tall furry monsters. The Crimson Guard coup is underway up there, too, as the Dreadnoks — now teamed with the twins — have turned on Zartan. The wildest part of all this, though, is the fact that Torch is the one who's assumed command.
I don't know, I have always thought Buzzer was second-in-charge after Zartan, then Ripper. Torch has always been third biker banana to me. Obviously Torch can't maintain control of this situation. He telegraphs that the Fatal Fluffies are controlled by a whistle, which gives Mutt and Junkyard a target. Junkyard fetches the whistle, the Joes play a note, and all the fluffies return to their Popple form. This is a decisive victory for the Joes as they shut off the Pyramid.
With the lights back on at Joe HQ, the good guys are now able to play the laserdisc (and fast forward through all the boring parts). In true Death Star style, they find mention of a self destruct button located in the Cobra Temple ... but where is the Cobra Temple?
This does not bode well for Tomax and Xamot's attempt at wresting control of Cobra, either. An incredibly ticked off Cobra Commander grabs the twins by the nose and takes charge once again. He then radios Destro on the video phone ... and drops in on Destro and Baroness making out.
I love this show.
With the full Pyramid powered-down, Destro and Baroness do the next best thing by activating a "low altitude Pyramid." This blackout zone may be low altitude, but it still engulfs Quick Kick, Alpine and Bazooka's helicopter, sending it crashing into Joe HQ. This is Quick Kick's introduction to the entire Joe team — and he greets them by speed talking through a recap of all the shenanigans of the previous couple episodes. That includes the reveal that they know where the Cobra Temple is!
I'm actually not sure how they know this, possibly because it's been just over two months since I watched the last episode. I think they followed Major Bludd to the temple? Whatever, who cares! It's ground battle time — just don't pay any attention to the geography. The Cobra Temple appears to be behind an underground waterfall, a waterfall they have to turn off so they can deploy troops. The Joes, however, are charging into battle on what appears to be the plains, in broad daylight. The Cobra side of the battle appears to be a solid twelve hours later. That's due to the color of the Cobra Temple, which is the same shade of midnight blue as the massive cave it's nestled in. It's a disorienting battle.
It's disorienting for the Joes too, as Cobra activates the Cobra Dragon — a giant, mechanized heat ray that knocks out all the Joes save Alpine, Bazooka, and Quick Kick. Man, Hasbro was really pushing those figures this week. But will that subliminal messaging work on me? See MONEY TO BURN below to find out! Together they all do Alpine's signature yodel (a yodel that I don't think we ever hear again) and cause an avalanche that wrecks the temple.
Tomax and Xamot turn to flee — and it's Cobra Commander who demands they stand and fight! They don't, of course. They all flee, leaving the self-destruct button out in the open for Shipwreck to punch, destroying all the control cubes.
Somehow, this is not the end of the episode!!! We still have Cobra command to deal with, as Flint and a fleet of Skystrikers chase the bad guys into Enterprise City. It turns out that Cobra's skyscrapers are cover for a giant rocket ship. The Joes don't have a way in until an elevator opens up, revealing Satin. Yes, lounge-singer-turned-freedom-fighter Satin. She ushers Shipwreck and the Joes to the control room where she immediately assaults Cobra Commander, slamming his head into the console.
With the rocket about to blast off, the good guys escape and — oh my god, there is so much happening.
Cobra blasts off, but Duke and the space station Joes blast the rocket with a "proton beam." Don't worry: there's an escape pod waiting for CC and the twins. Zartan frees himself with a teenty-tinety glove laser, and he also frees his "stooges," because he reckons he'll need people to boss around when he's in charge of Cobra. Stay scheming! They all escape. The last we see of Cobra's elite — Cobra Commander, Destro, Baroness, Tomax, and Xamot — they're all in shoddy disguises, escaping via the subway.
Category is: Commuter Realness
Having snatched victory from the cobra's maw, Satin gives Shipwreck a big ol' kiss. His parrot Polly says, "Polly too?" — which I first heard as "polycule?", which would have been a choice for a cartoon in 1985.
And that is that. As full-blown bonkers as this entire mini-series was, I do think it all hangs together better than the first two. The way Friedman pulled in the incredibly disparate plots — Shipwreck and Snake Eyes' jaunt through Enterprise City nightlife, Alpine and Bazooka teaming up with a hoodwinked stuntman/fudge bar spokesman, the Joes being held captive in space by monstrous creatures, all the Cobra infighting — to form a (comparatively) cohesive finale, it's commendable. And while these highly stylized action-packed episodes lay a solid foundation for the show, Friedman's kitchen-sink approach to storytelling is absolutely not the way forward. I am very, very excited to finally get to some real storytelling.
PERSONNEL REPORT
Peak Appearance: Tomax (145 seconds)
STRAY BLASTS
When Quick Kick comes up with an escape plan, he says that the airship was transporting "Trubble Bubbles." This doesn't seem interesting, unless you've read the official G.I. Joe writer's guide by Steve Gerber and Buzz Dixon (which I highly recommend you do). In it, it's specifically noted that Cobra calls these "flight pods" while Joes have nicknamed them "Trubble Bubbles." This is but one example of all the specifics that make G.I. Joe a singular series, the details that I don't think any other show of its kind would have ever considered.
It's worth noting that Shipwreck of all people takes charge in this episode. He rallies the troops at Joe HQ, which — y'know, it's a nice, if unintentional, character arc for the guy.
But, I don't know, I'd imagine Cover Girl, Ace, or Wild Bill would outrank him? According to HalfBattle, Gung-Ho and Cover Girl seem to outrank Shipwreck, but Shipwreck is on the same level as Ace and Wild Bill.
And I have to point out that Satin yells "Yo Joe!" as she charges at Cobra Commander, vengeance in her eyes. Satin is great and I really wish there was a spot for her on the team moving forward. If the Joes accept a random stuntman into their ranks, why not a pop star?
AND COBRA-LA IS WEIRD?
MONEY TO BURN
At the end of every five episodes (essentially a Monday to Friday's programming), I'm giving myself $5 to spend on G.I. Joe figures during a Saturday shopping spree at Hills, the Walmart precursor where my grandmother worked as a greeter (even though she was infamously cranky).
I have $0.55 in the bank from last time, which brings my total to $5.55. Now I have the 1985 Joes to pick from! I have enough for two more, and I have to go with Shipwreck and Snake Eyes, "Pyramid of Darkness'" dynamic duo — and they each come with an animal sidekick. It's like four figures for the price of two!
Thanks to Half the Battle, Yo Joe!, 3D Joes, Joe Guide, and Joepedia for all of their research.
Until next time, reading is half the battle!
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