G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero Season 1, Episode 4
"The Pyramid of Darkness Part 4: Chaos in the Sea of Lost Souls"
Original airdate: September 19, 1985
Written by: Ron Friedman
Directed by: John Gibbs, Terry Lennon
Cast: Michael Bell, Chris Latta, Francois Chau, Corey Burton, Arthur Burghardt, Lee Weaver, John Hostetter, Morgan Lofting, Mary McDonald-Lewis, Bill Ratner
Every episode of G.I. Joe reminds me why I love G.I. Joe so much. The "Yo Joe!" and the opening chords of the theme song just grab me and pull me in. It's the feeling of being 7 years old and finally seeing your ready-to-rumble cousins after spending three hours in a car. It's a mix of nostalgia and excitement that hit hard in 1985 (or 1989-ish, when I likely watched this episode) and still hits hard today. And the reason it packs such a punch? It's all Larry Hama and Ron Friedman.
The TL;DR is: Hama is the Marvel Comics writer who was hired by Hasbro to assign names and backstories to all of their action figure designs; and Friedman was the guy Sunbow hired to write the first 15 episodes of the cartoon, using Hama's character dossiers as a jumping off point. Both of these men viewed creativity the same way, I think: like a figurative Ma Deuce, rat-a-tatting an unlimited barrage of large-caliber ideas. Not every idea hits its target, but dammit, every single idea makes a mark.
Okay — I know that's more or less true for Hama, who is famously averse to outlining storyarcs or planning ahead at all. To read all 325+ issues of his G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero is to experience Joe in its most uncut form — ideas from Hama's head filtered through very, very few other creatives. The ideas are relentless. Hama's greatest skill as a writer is his ability to maximize a story's momentum. It's a damn ride.
I don't actually know anything about Friedman's writing process, but he was prolific enough that I have to imagine he didn't overthink things. All I have to go on are the results of his efforts, and the first 15 episodes of G.I. Joe — uh, they certainly have momentum. And it's in that that G.I. Joe (the cartoon) really, really feels like G.I. Joe (the comic). To demonstrate, let me rattle off what happens in this episode as succinctly as possible [Note from future me: This is not possible].
Alpine and Bazooka are saved from killer leopard seals by Quick Kick, a Hollywood stuntman who was swindled and left stranded by a commercial director. Quick Kick defeats Storm Shadow in foot-to-foot combat and, now teamed up with the two Joes, hitches a ride on Major Bludd's H.I.S.S. tank all the way from the chill of the arctic to the heat of a nearby jungle; Quick Kick passes the time by singing the Frozen Fudgy Bars jingle to Bazooka, who's jonesing for some candy.
Upon reaching the Cobra encampment, the trio take over a massive Cobra airliner with a giant Cobra head, but are attacked mid-flight by Cobra troopers and left plunging to their doom.
Meanwhile — we reconnect with Satin, the nightclub singer that helped Snake Eyes, Shipwreck, Polly (a parrot), and Timber (a wolf) hide out from Colonel Slash, as she tries to smuggle this truly kooky quartet out of the Cobra-occupied Enterprise City.
The Cobra guards ain't having it, and demand to see Satin's group perform a number to prove that they are who they say they are. So, Shipwreck — in a look that asks, "What if Paul Shaffer played the saxophone?" — and Snake Eyes — in full Boy George drag — provide backup for Satin as she busts out a reggae-tinged mid-tempo pop song and then smacks a guard with her purse, cueing the Joes and their animal companions (who, by the way, are also in MTV-appropriate costumes) to attack.
The Joes escape and Satin drops them off outside the city limits and then heads out, revealing that Cobra framed her father for crimes he didn't commit, and he "never recovered." She drives off.
And then in the main plot, Cobra sets out to place and activate the final Control Cube, this time in the Sea of Lost Souls. There's a wrinkle, though: Tomax remains a prisoner of G.I. Joe, and now his psychic twin connection to Xamot has revealed the Joes' location to Cobra high command; conveniently they're also at the Sea of Lost Souls, waiting to strike.
Xamot launches a rescue mission, assured by Cobra Commander that they will wait until Tomax is rescued to activate the Pyramid of Darkness, thus cutting off all power in two-thirds of the world. To free Tomax, Xamot's Crimson Guards open a box of ... starflies? ... which are rainbow butterflies that fly to the Joe guards ... and then turn into knockout gas. I love this madness. Obviously Cobra Commander lied, but Tomax and Xamot are prepared for this, evidenced by them using two inflatable rafts pulled by sharks to make their getaway.
Oh — the Control Cube! Right! Cobra Commander sends Destro and Baroness to get the job done, although Lady Jaye comes close to foiling their plans when she engages Destro in an underwater fight (one involving a "robo-pus" — a robot octopus).
Cobra activates the cube, and the evil lovebirds escape on a gondola; Baroness calls Destro "Destromeo" which was so close to being the title of this recap.
The episode is somehow not over yet! It turns out that Tomax and Xamot prepared for Cobra Commander's backstabbing, and used their extensive funds to hire the Dreadnoks out from under Zartan.
Reunited and making their escape from the skirmish between Destro and the Joes, the Crimson Twins give the signal to their hired bikers, who then turn on Zartan and take control of the space station and also the Pyramid.
This is one 20-minute episode of television, with 22 speaking roles, a half-dozen fight scenes, locations ranging from land and sea to air, two songs, and one commando/ninja dressed as the androgynous superstar lead singer of Culture Club. All beamed into houses across America on a Thursday afternoon. This is chaos, wonderful chaos.
But — you see what I mean. Does any of this make any sense? Not really. But does it work? Incredibly well, because as crazy as the story gets, the characters stay grounded. This is equally true of the writing and the vocal performances; there's a kind of Hanna-Barbera hokiness that G.I. Joe never regresses to. Instead, we get characters with real motivations (Xamot needs to rescue his brother!), real affection (the body language between Destro and Baroness is steamy!), real wit (Alpine: "Nothing like lasers to hasten weary footsteps!"), real heroism (seriously everything Lady Jaye does in this episode), and ... okay, and there's a parrot in a teeny tiny beret and sunglasses. I'll take it back; there's nothing wrong with a little Hanna-Barbera hokiness.
PERSONNEL REPORT
First Appearance: Cobra Lamprey
First Line of Dialogue: Quick Kick
Last Appearance: Cobra Lamprey
Okay wait — this is the only appearance of the Lamprey, and it's just one of 'em driving a Moray.
You can't even see him completely! I had a Lamprey v2 as a kid (Sonic Fighters!), so these guys always loomed larger in my mind than I guess they did anywhere else.
STRAY BLASTS
Quick Kick rules. He's a Hollywood stuntman with a rolodex of impressions and quotes at the ready who runs into battle both shirtless and barefoot. He's frequently pointed to as one of the most ridiculous Sunbow-era Joes because of all of this, to which I respond, "So?" And in this episode, Quick Kick is one of the very few Joes to get what passes as an origin story.
Like Shipwreck before him, Quick Kick joins the Joes kind of on a whim, kind of out of necessity (he was ghosted by a director and left in a snowstorm dressed like that).
In fact, Quick Kick might be the best example of the hodgepodge synergy between Friedman and Hama. QK's filecard lays it all out: he's half Korean, half Japanese, was too short to play basketball so he mastered every martial art, and worked as a Hollywood stunt man. Friedman saw that and was like, "add in a John Wayne impression and Frozen Fudgy Bars and you got yourself a character."
And I have to point out that Quick Kick was voiced by François Chau, a Cambodian actor of Vietnamese/Chinese descent, most recognizable to us nerds as Dr. Pierre Chang, the face of the Dharma Initiative on Lost. He was also Shredder in TMNT II, before he mutated into Kevin Nash.
Also, I would be remiss if I didn't point out the absolutely anime-inspired fight between Quick Kick and Storm Shadow, which goes way harder than it should, and includes this stunner of a shot — the two of them charging at each other with their respective deflected throwing stars blurred in the foreground.
The inner-workings of Cobra are a major draw for me. We previously just had Destro and Cobra Commander at odds, but now we have Tomax and Xamot in the mix. I keep thinking about how villains were portrayed in cartoons prior to G.I. Joe, how it mostly boiled down to ineffectual "mastermind" and their useless lackeys. Cobra could be that, if they were just Cobra Commander and the Cobra troopers. Even Major Bludd, and now Storm Shadow, are go-with-the-flow bad guys (although Major Bludd has, I think, a perfect success rate so far).
But making Destro the weapons dealer, and now having Cobra funded by Tomax and Xamot, it presents a completely different kind of cartoon bad guy dynamic. It requires kids to track multiple motives at once, and then pays that attention off with a reveal as gag-worthy as Extensive Enterprises hiring the Dreadnoks away from Zartan. I love these idiots so much — way, way more than the backstabbing cabal of villains we have to put up with in our daily existence.
AND COBRA-LA IS WEIRD?
Thanks to Half the Battle, Yo Joe!, 3D Joes, Joe Guide, and Joepedia for all of their research.
Until next time, reading is half the battle!
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