Star Wars: Skeleton Crew Episode 7
"We're Gonna Be in So Much Trouble"
Writer: Christopher Ford & Jon Watts
Director: Lee Isaac Chung
Cast: Ravi Cabot-Conyers, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Kyriana Kratter, Robert Timothy Smith, Nick Frost, and Jude Law
"Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.
"This be the verse you grave for me:
Here he lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill."
— "Requiem," Robert Louis Stevenson
Last week the kids confronted trash crabs and insecurity, finally shedding their metaphor cladding and learning the real treasure was the friends they've made along the way. Now they've charted a course home, but Jod and the pirates are just as eager to reach At Attin.
Night has fallen on the treasure planet. The parents gather in the woods to send up their illegal communications buoy. This is their last ditch effort to circumvent the Supervisor's draconian laws and contact their missing children. Their plans seem dashed when a squad of safety droids surround and calmly direct them to surrender the device. Neel's mom — a real one — attempts a runner but is immediately stunned by a non-lethal blast from the darkness. The other adults take turns carrying the thing, but the droids quickly subdue each one with chilling detachment. It falls to Undersecretary Fara to activate the buoy and nudge it aloft toward the atmospheric barrier.
Meanwhile, the Onyx Cinder glides through the slipstream of hyperspace. The kids gleefully chase a ball through the corridors, finally at ease. They've passed through a crucible of pirates and killer crustaceans together and emerged friends.
KB reports that they'll soon be home. Everyone's delighted save for Wim. He knows that once they return to At Attin, their grand adventure will be all for nought. He still has to make up his Assessment exam. Everything will return to normal. He regrets ever pushing that big green button. It's heartbreaking. The others relish the taste of adventure, this brief glimpse at a world beyond the Barrier. Wim already mourns a lifetime in a wider world he'll never see again.
Captain Brutus and his crew arrive at their destination in their massive tall-T frigate. The Shistavanen looks out on the gaseous green sphere with contempt.
"This is a toxic maelstrom," he growls, though he's not especially disappointed. Jod promised a treasure horde, and Brutus complied with the majority to investigate. We all know he's been itching to eject the con artist formerly known as Silvo out the airlock, and this failure to deliver on At Attin is the final nail in Jod's coffin.
Of course Jod is nothing if not a survivor. He invokes the name of Tak Rennod to curry favor from the greedy, superstitious crew. That crackling, impenetrable nebula? Just camouflage. Brutus is a coward to turn tail now (Note: it is unclear whether or not Shistavanen even have tails)! SM-33 corroborates from Rennod's log; At Attin is hidden within an endless storm. Jod stakes his life on this, requesting a fighter to fly through the Barrier himself. One has to wonder if even he knows what he'd do once inside that fighter — venture into the storm? Attempt a hyperspace jump away? Unfortunately we'll never know. Brutus calls his bluff and asks for a volunteer.
Glerb, a Quarren, dons a helmet tailored to accommodate the fins protruding from either side of his head. He's got the jumpsuit. He carries himself in such a way that says he's all to eager to tell you about his previous life as a pilot. This is Glen Powell in Top Gun: Maverick gone to paunch. He hops in a fighter and heads off into the maelstrom. He doesn't make it very far. He gurgles a scream as they lose his transmission. Grim silence on the bridge.
"Maybe we should send in another," Jod deadpans.
Brutus isn't having it. This time Jod makes it all the way into the chamber with a pirate's finger poised over the blinking airlock button. But for, what, the third or fourth time this season, the ponytailed pirate, Chaelt, interjects just in time. She's noticed a ship coming out of hyperspace. It's the Cinder! SM-33 confirms, recognizing the old girl even removed from her war cladding. Jod insists they can use this to their advantage and convinces them to free him.
The pirates pull the Cinder into their hangar with a tractor beam. As they make their way to her gangplank, Brutus confides to Jod that, plunder or no, he'll kill him the next chance he gets. The wolfman won't have long to regret this unforced error.
Brutus barks for the children to come out in surrender, and when they don't comply he advances up the ramp. This is unwise. He's wedged into this pissing contest with his former captain, though, so the hubris is real. Then, so is Chekhov's cargo claw. The mechanism drops down like a xenomorph from the rafters and grapples him. Brutus manages to squeeze out a couple of desperate blaster bolts before its grip tightens and he's left dangling like a Paw Patrol plushie in the grips of a claw machine.
A distorted voice rings out from the ship, "Release the tractor beam and we'll let him go."
Jod advances, quick to fill the power vacuum. "Fear not, my friends."
From their hiding place in the hold, the kids are alarmed to see Jod remains a threat.
Using the Force, Jod easily pops his charmingly analog 17th century shackles. He picks up Brutus's fallen flintlock, er, blaster pistol and straight up mercs the dude. Right in the face. Wild.
The pirates raise their weapons, but many of them are already lowering them again before Jod — or is it Silvo? — addresses them. "Brutus," he eulogizes, "was a stinking, backstabbing mutineer. Any of you want to follow him?" And just like that he's back in charge. He commands Kona and Pax to seize the vessel and hold the kids hostage. Gunter is to fetch SM-33. They're going to take the treasure planet.
The parents' communication buoy finally rises out from the Barrier.
Some loyal pirate — I'm gonna guess Chaelt — held on to Jod's gleaming Silvo helmet and he's wearing it again. Aboard the Cinder he directs SM-33 to locate whatever mechanism that allows the ship to navigate safely through the Barrier so they can transfer it to the much larger frigate. If he's to seize the Mint he wants all the firepower he can muster.
Just then, they intercept the transmission from the buoy. The pirates and kids all watch as the parents' hologram projections appear inside the cockpit expressing love and concern for the children. One of them did a tasteful job editing this all together into one cohesive message. They're not mad. They're not even disappointed. They just want them to stay strong and come home.
Oh, and Neel's little brother lost a tooth and in lieu of the datary he got (from the Tusk Fairy? The Data Cruncher? The Supervisor himself?) he really just wants his big brother back. They're seriously the most wholesome family in the galaxy.
Fara reiterates that they can't transmit coordinates, but if the kids can find a Republic Emissary, they'll be able to direct them home. Interesting. The Barrier is treacherous. They weren't supposed to find out about any of this until they graduate, Wendle explains. Very interesting.
Wendle closes the message with an apology to Wim for not listening to him. This emboldens the boy and he tells the others they have to retake the ship. Fern says they'll need a plan. She suggests they exploit Jod's greed to somehow trick Jod. Maybe —
"Attack!" shouts Wim, rushing at their captors. To her credit, Fern attempts to help, going for Pax's blaster. The pirates instantly stifle this rebellion. Captain Silvo calmly calls for them to be chained up as hostages.
"I don't care how many fake names you have," says Wim, "because we know that you're a liar! And this is our ship 'cause we found it first!"
"Well, now it's mine," says Jod, flatly. I can't help but notice he doesn't look at Wim, or any of the kids, as he says this. Is he trying to convey disinterest? Or is it that he can't bring himself to face them? SM-33 chirps an "um actually" here. Because Jod is captain of the frigate, and the Pirate Code stipulates that a captain can only lay claim to one vessel at any given time, the Cinder is currently unattested.
Wim blurts out a claimsies before Jod can put a hand over his mouth and formally voice a claim of his own. The droid seems to accept Jod's claim. But Fern calls unclaimsies. Wim audibly gasps. She then claims the ship for kids only. This is Flick and Schwartz on the schoolyard in A Christmas Story with much higher stakes, and I love it.
"33, get these pirates off our ship," says Fern.
SM-33 seems to consider all this.
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that," says Jod. And then SM-33 sucker punches him right in the dome.
"Aye, but it be close enough."
I wish there was a little more groundwork to support this turn. SM-33 has been extremely rigid in his adherence to the Code, and it's not clear whether the Code actually makes allowances for these schoolyard loopholes or he's taken a genuine shine to Fern and the rest of the #SpaceGoonies. I want this to feel right, but it feels ever so slightly unearned as presented. Tough needle to thread, to be honest.
SM-33 deflects blaster fire from Pax and Kona with his Wonder Woman bracers, charging the pair.
Jod stirs from the hangar of the frigate just as the Cinder is raising her gangplank. He's none too pleased. Gunter and the other pirates fire on the ship as it disembarks. They send a pair of fighters after it into the Barrier. They descend through the green clouds in a stunning sequence, reminiscent of Andor's Aldhani escape in its sheer beauty. Electricity crackles from massive conductors, the Barrier's defensive grid, lashing out and obliterating the fighters. The Cinder enjoys safe passage as she's recognized as one of At Attin's own vessels.
And that's why — holy geez — you hire the guy who directed Twisters.
Even the many-eyed rat living inside SM-33's eye socket looks on the marble of At Attin in awe. Sunlight gleams from somewhere — so many questions. With the planet finally in view, the ship is locked into an autopilot sequence. They're headed home. Despite the tone from their parents' transmission, Fern is still pretty sure they're looking at some serious punishment. She's still upbeat though.
Right on cue, Jod appears from behind. SM-33 stands up to intercept him, but Jod ignites his lightsaber and decapitates the droid in one smooth motion. He commands them to get on the floor, first calmly and then furiously. He nudges the many-eyed rat out of his way, but doesn't outright stomp on it. He attempts to contact the frigate but is met with interference from the Barrier. When the kids try to explain this error in his thinking he lashes out. He's lost his patience with their constant chatter, perhaps because they're the sole chorus of reason he's heard in decades. It's a tense, terrific scene as this fraught dynamic comes to a head. Jod is clearly conflicted, but it's all directed with such nuance that I remain uncertain as to how this will all play out.
Jod threatens the children to go along with his ruse as Republic Emissary, promising swift retribution on their families should they show any hesitation. After all, he now knows what they all look like, having seen the transmission. He waves the lightsaber blade over their heads. We're accustomed to seeing the faces of Star Wars villains lit crimson, but here it's a cold blue.
Down on the surface, a safety droid supervises the detained parents. The Supervisor addresses the entire populace over an intercom system. All nonessential work is suspended as a Republic Emissary arrives to receive a shipment. The parents observe the ship through a window. KB's moms are elated as her AirTag pings their Apple Watch.
Outside, a landing platform emerges from a manicured park and the Cinder touches down. Mechanisms latch on to her landing gear. Jod and the kids — "waifs" he calls them — emerge down the gangplank to meet a safety droid. A crowd has amassed down below, including the parents. Wendle calls out to his son, but the landing platform and everyone on it disappears down an elevator shaft.
The lead safety droid recognizes the kids as the missing truants. Jod, identifying himself as the Republic Emissary, orders them back aboard the ship for their safety. He marvels at the operation, which is indeed enormous. Mechanical arms prod at a massive golden sphere in a vast underground chamber. Jod gets to Karening pretty quickly, demanding to see the Supervisor when the safety droid refuses to put him in touch with the frigate. Finally they reach the vaults. One opens and they enter into an immense storeroom.
The Aldhani heist was chump change. Uncle Scrooge's vault is a kiddy pool. This one vault is bigger than an Ikea. And the safety droid says there are 1,139 of them. Which has to be a reference to Lucas's THX-1138.
Jod approaches one loveseat-sized stack of Old Republic credits and Mick Giacchino lays on the horror strings. The pirate king basks in warm beatific light and Jude Law's face takes us on a journey for the ages. At first he seems to despair at the enormity of it all, the existential calamity of so much plunder. He plucks at a single datary which sends them cascading down like a sea of dominos. He crumples under the weight of his own orgasmic glee, ready to make snow angels in the stuff.
The kids observe this from the gangplank, resigned to whatever comes next. A hover lift descends with some very restless parents. Families come together in relief. But Jod's footsteps echo over the happy sighs of reunion.
Remember when Anakin killed them kids? Remember when those Dark Troopers snatched up Grogu? All pales in comparison to Jod igniting his lightsaber in front of Neel and Mrs. Neel's Mom, blue light reflected in their big sad elephant eyes.
And that's why — holy geez — you hire the guy who directed Minari.
One more of these left! And will that be it for the series? I guess that's up to the Supervisor.
