My Facebook algorithm is acutely aware that I only interact with content centered around vintage toys on that platform. And the cursed thing about our algorithm-driven culture is that I mostly see posts from groups that I'm not a member of — so I see a lot of posts from G.I. Joe groups that I would never join, because my profile picture is not an A.I.-generated image of our scumlord president wearing a J.U.M.P. jetpack.
One post from the other day focused on the new Lifeline figure, from Hasbro's G.I. Joe Classified Series line. It's a fantastic figure, faithful to the original with a modern flair! The comments that stuck out to me, though, one after the other, were people talking about how glad they were that Lifeline came with guns, and that this figure wasn't "whiny" or a "pussy" pacifist like he was in the cartoon. And multiple men (always men) had to point out that wearing a red jumpsuit makes no sense on the battlefield! Just comment after comment of people who profess to love G.I. Joe, ostensibly praising Lifeline but including so many caveats that you have to wonder what they actually like about the figure, the character, the franchise. Do you just want generic army men with realistic guns? Well, that's not what G.I. Joe is!
This springs to mind because of the Hollywood Reporter exclusive breaking the news that Paramount is moving forward with two G.I. Joe feature film projects (because of course they are), and the headline-grabbing name attached to one of the projects is Max Landis. Max Landis, who is the human personification of a Facebook comment that calls a fictional character a "pussy." He is not only gross, but — just speaking from experience as a person who has had to listen to Landis in panels and interviews for work — he's insufferable. Nobody has anything positive to say about the guy, nor do many people have positive things to say about his movies!
Landis' whole schtick, the only place he's found a kind of success, is online, where he writes and produces — brace yourselves — edgy takes on superheroes. Whoah, wow, who would've thought? Bang, pow, comics aren't for kids anymore, etc. But you can see where Landis' ideas, completely un-evolved past what you'd hear from the goth kid at your high school cafeteria table, is perfect for a bargain-bin, basic-ass version of G.I. Joe. A version of G.I. Joe fandom has calcified around this idea that the franchise is just jingoistic, "anti-woke," gun and gear porn, except the soldiers in hopefully drab military green uniforms (because colors are gay) have code names. This is the "oorah" version of G.I. Joe, the boring version that's "grounded" in the real world and just as "edgy."
There's another script being developed, though, and that should be the lead story — but I guess leading the the latest example of "cancel culture" not being a real thing is the real news. Danny McBride is developing the other script.
(Full context: It's mentioned that the two scripts may be combined into one, which is ... insane, and also the unnamed source said that rumor was not true. So, fingers crossed these two streams never cross.)
Let that sink in. Danny McBride. The genius behind The Righteous Gemstones. And I know he's done a lot of other work, great work, beloved work, but that's my touchpoint for McBride — and it's a work that I love passionately, and it's a work that absolutely embodies everything that an actual, honest-to-god kick-ass G.I. Joe movie should be.
Righteous Gemstones is, top-level, hilarious. I've already written ad nauseam about how any iteration of G.I. Joe needs to be funny, full stop. Righteous Gemstones also has elaborate action sequences (another requirement) and it's full-on camp (any Uncle Baby Billy number is right up there, in terms of excess, with the opening credits of G.I. Joe: The Movie). It's perfect.
But what makes McBride potentially the most exciting person to shepherd G.I. Joe into a truly modern age is how McBride views two major things: masculinity and America. This is a thesis that I'm not prepared to write at the moment with zero notice, but The Righteous Gemstones is the most exacting dissection and examination of modern American masculinity — both critical and riotously celebratory — that ... has ever existed on television? I think so!
And that's the thing about G.I. Joe. It's a franchise built upon the bedrock of American masculinity, but the structure itself is a mixed-purpose building (this metaphor started strong and then, woof). What I mean is, G.I. Joe is funny, weird, science fiction and body horror, espionage and ninjas, black ops and Fatal Fluffies. It's every bit as excessive as a Gemstone Sunday morning church service, but the characters and relationships are as complex as the ones between all the generations of Gemstone men. Danny McBride is the "Yo Joe" version of G.I. Joe.
So what we have here is a battle for the soul of a franchise — a battle between a nepo-baby/fail-son sex pest with no track record of success, as if any amount success is an excuse for repeated abuse, and Danny McBride, quite possibly the most perfect choice for this movie in this moment.
...
Paramount is absolutely going to go with the Landis script.
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