Welcome to the 2025 Heistmas Advent Calendar, a daily drop of pop culture Christmas icons, oddities, and joy. Check back every day from now through December 25 for each daily entry!
Ronald Reagan doesn't get talked about enough, which is a shame because he was an awful person and an even worse politician. And hey, here he is in a Christmas ad, sending cartons of Chesterfield cigarettes to his friends, once again turning a blind eye to another national health crisis.
Here we see Ronald Reagan in his "modeling" career path, looking as airbrushed as the side of a Black Sabbath fan's van. I doubt that cigarette was really in his mouth. In fact, from what I gather, Ronald Reagan (and I'm only using his full name, because fuck him, we're not on a first or last name basis), smoked a pipe, and didn't even do that often. By the time he got into the White House, he'd stopped smoking altogether. But when Chesterfield dumps a boatload of money in your lap, you start signing those Christmas cartons. Asshole shill.
The cartons themselves are 1951 idealized Christmas goodness, when we still had horses, snow, and trees. The first of those are now the exclusive property of the wealthy, while the amounts of the second two are steadily declining thanks to overforesting and climate change. As far as I can tell, Ronald Reagan is addressing these to "Nell" and "Besi" (?), while a copy of The Collected Verse of Rudyard Kipling sits on his desk, an appropriate note of colonialism for the politician who armed Osama Bin Laden against Russia.
Ronald Reagan wasn't a politician in 1951, he was a working actor, running a string of forgettable pictures primarily under contract with Warner Brothers. Remember The Voice of the Turtle? Tugboat Annie Sails Again? Angels Wash Their Faces? Brother Rat and A Baby? No, you don't. Shut up if you're saying you do. Did you know Netflix has only 22 movies from before 1980 on their streaming service? It's a sin. They're sinners not yet in the hands of an angry God.
The film he's flogging here, 1951's Hong Kong, does not have any critical reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, but audience scores give it a splat-worthy 14% freshness rating. Depending on the audience reviewers, "You have an appointment with boredom in this East meets Dull adventure film," that is "not terribly exciting" and "straight outta the backlot in Burbank." In the words of one reviewer, an admitted fan of Ronald Reagan's speeches, "This is a bad movie."
So fuck off, Ronald Reagan, with your airbrushed Bob's Big Boy hair and your animal-themed desk decoration. We wouldn't be giving this ad any attention if you hadn't become President.
Check back tomorrow for even more Heistmas Advent Calendar Goodies!
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