Murder, She Wrote Season 3, Episode 18
“No Laughing Murder”
Original Airdate: March 15, 1987
Writer: Tom B. Sawyer
Director: Walter Grauman
Cast: Angela Lansbury, George Clooney, Pat Crowley, George Furth, Buddy Hackett, Arte Johnson, David Knell, Steve Lawrence, Sheree North, Beth Windsor, Pat Delaney, Alice Nunn, Richardson Morse, Paul Ganus
Last week we celebrated Foster Brooks, a staple of the Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts. I have to wonder if the lovable lush batted any eyebrows at this week’s caper, which takes direct inspiration from the real-life feud between Martin and his former comedic partner Jerry Lewis. It might be the most blatant ripped-from-the-headlines plot presented by the series until the infamous Friends takedown in the final season. Our “Martin” is late show host Mack Howard, played by crooner Steve Lawrence (who I’d argue has more of a Frank Sinatra air about him). The “Jerry” is Murray Gruen, a functionally retired—functionally alcoholic—comedian played by Buddy Hackett.
This one’s also notable for featuring a 26-year-old George Clooney as Mack’s son Kip, whose engagement to Murray’s daughter Corrie (Windsor) sets things in motion. Clooney booked this gig between playing Sid Vicious on stage and Roseanne’s supervisor on screen. Hang in there, George.
Mack, The Knife
We’re introduced to Mack and Murray through a montage of lightly edited photos from Lawrence and Hackett’s Hollywood heyday. Mack was the dashing singer and straight man while roly-poly Murray provided most of the laughs. The overlaid patter is never especially good and it quickly devolves into bitter barbs as the two fall out over the same jealousies and insecurities that sour so many creative pairings.
Jessica went to college with Corrie’s late mother, so of course she’s in attendance for the extremely awkward engagement party at the NEW Hiawatha Inn, Murray’s latest business venture deep in the Catskills. This is the first time Mack and Murray have had to share a room in ages and they quickly make it about themselves. Jess is no stranger to such unpleasant gatherings, but this one is particularly tense. It doesn’t help that Murray is so plastered he’s spouting spoonerisms.
Amidst the typical childish jabs, Mack and Murray both seem suspicious of the other with regard to their tape sales. Their longtime agent Phil Rinker (Johnson) is just as puzzled about the anemic returns on these recently released VHS recordings of their vintage performances. Business manager Farley Pressman (Furth) dismisses the concern, suggesting that the demand just isn’t there.
This is the point where you know Farley is either going to murder someone or be murdered, because VHS tapes of Rat Pack nonsense propped up PBS telethons and Columbia House mail order schemes for decades. The demand was insatiable. What else is even left to clean from out of an old person’s basement? Bro is lying.
That night as everyone is readying for bed, the guests hear a harrowing scream. Murray staggers out from a bathroom and collapses. Jessica discovers a non-lethal knife wound in his upper back. They summon a doctor. Kip determines that all of the doors and windows are locked from the inside, meaning the attacker is likely among the guests.
Resting in bed, Murray claims not to have seen his assaillant, but he does recall seeing a dark red blur in the mirror while he was brushing his teeth. Mack happens to be wearing a maroon cardigan over his pajamas. No one takes the thinly veiled accusation all that seriously, but Mack’s wife, Trudy (Crowley), was in the kitchen at the time and can’t provide an alibi for him either.
As the excitement of the evening winds down, everyone realizes that Phil the agent is conspicuously absent. A wet-behind-the-ears cop named Wylie Ledbetter (Knell) is both the acting chief in the sleepy mountain town this weekend and the spitting image of my dad at that age. Jessica walks him through the investigation like a parent taking charge of a child’s candy bar fundraiser. Wylie is a decent kid out past his depth, eager to commission some autographs for his mother. When they discover Phil hanging lifeless in the pantry, Wylie hopes the suicide note and confession pinned to his jacket mean an end to the mystery. Jessica isn’t so sure.
Not Funny, Murray
Farley returns from a fruitless sweep of the surrounding area for Phil just in time to see the gurney lifted into an ambulance. He’s as shocked as they all were. He didn’t even know the inn had a pantry.
Murray is mortified when he learns of Phil’s death and the note in which Phil claims to have attacked Murray after years of verbal abuse.
Jessica determines that the numbers simply don’t fit; given Phil’s height and the length of rope around his neck, it wouldn’t have been possible for him to have stood on the short stool they’d found overturned on the floor. It’s starting to look like murder. But was the person who killed Phil and staged it to look like a suicide the same person who attacked Murray?
Even Kip and Corrie begin to second guess Mack’s innocence.
A medical examiner determines that the knife found in Murray’s bathroom had household enamel paint on its end. Not the blade, but the handle. Jessica explores the bathroom, studying the mirror and then the area where the knife was found. There’s a curious notch in the molding where the door meets the wall. She also does some snooping in Murray’s room, where she finds a peephole bored into the wall behind a framed picture. It looks in on the room where Mack and his wife are staying. What is this, Gus Van Sant’s 1998 shot-for-shot remake of Psycho?
Jessica confronts Murray with these clues with everyone assembled for maximum effect. Murray was so troubled by the idea of his daughter marrying into Mack’s family, he staged the attack. He stabbed himself and implied Mack was responsible. He used the peephole to first spy on Mack and make sure he was alone and without an alibi. Diabolical! And remember, when he learned Phil was dead and a note declared he was responsible for the stabbing, Murray didn’t bother to object! It’s a good thing an actual murderer is present to share in some of the contempt, otherwise Murray could go down as a real heel. Geez.
Be Kind, Rewind
As you may surmise, it comes down to the tapes. Jessica follows up her confrontation with Murray with a little trap for Farley. She feigns needing a fresh lightbulb for a kitchen lamp and he’s a little too quick to find a replacement in the same pantry he claimed not to know about hours earlier. She asks him how long he’s been embezzling money from Mack and Murray, who now join them. They agree their manager has been acting shadily, and not just this weekend. He folds like a cheap card table, confessing to killing Phil when it became clear his years of forging checks had come to light. He even encouraged Mack and Murray’s infighting to keep them from comparing notes and realizing his treachery.
That means Farley is not present for Kip and Corrie’s wedding or Mack and Murray’s reunion on Mack’s talk show. Jessica’s there in the wings to hug Murray’s long-suffering assistant Norma (North) when he makes an oblique attempt at a marriage proposal on live television. This man staged an assault to frame his former friend for attempted murder! He almost let his poor agent go down for it in death! Why are we clapping?
Next week, join me for a film noir sequel nearly 40 years in the making.
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