"The fireworks are over…only the smoke remains." - The Firesign Theater, I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus
For the moment, the Great American Chicken Big Mac Experiment is over, realizing a dream that McDonald's assures us has been years in the making. By replacing the two all-beef patties in their signature Big Mac with two "tempura battered chicken patties" and removing the onions, a sandwich revolution was brought to the shores of a nation hungry for international cuisine, i.e., a sandwich that had only been available in other countries.
The Chicken Big Mac has died but like Pinocchio, Bucky Barnes, and Spicy McNuggets, it will probably be back before you know it.
But was it good? Well kids, it was good enough. It fought hunger like anything else on the McDonald's menu, combined a mix of flavors we hadn't really encountered before, was tasty, and got people talking about the Big Mac — a sandwich that has been overshadowed by the meatier McDonald's offering, the Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.
For my money, if you put Big Mac sauce on anything, it's going to be a hit. That tasty mix of ketchup, mayonnaise, and relish can spice up any burger or sandwich — and you can make it at home simply by combining ketchup, mayonnaise, and relish, like I just said. In the event of an apocalypse where McDonald's is still open, I'd be fine with a Big Mac sans beef patties because that sauce is just damn yummy on plain bread.
But sadly, I must speak ill of the deceased.
My complaint was with the chicken that was used to make the Chicken Big Mac. Had they just grabbed the patties from the McChicken sandwich, which are pretty substantial, and thrown the makings of a Big Mac around them, it would have been an absolute hit in my mind. I'm not even asking for the comparatively massive piece of chicken used for their McCrispy. Two McChicken patties would be more than enough food for a single person.
Instead, they sort of took an enlarging ray to their McNuggets and made bigger patties out of chicken mush, then deep fried them in a thick layer of tempura that ended up being a chore to chew through (I am not saying anything bad about chicken mush. It deserves respect). When you're already struggling with a sandwich that boasts three entire slices of bread, equivalent to one-and-a-half hamburger buns, and lettuce, your teeth need to slide through your food quickly and easily. A tough chicken patty that's primarily fried breading is going to compromise the structural integrity of your meal as you're eating it, causing the pieces to eat unevenly (best-case scenario) or fall apart (worst-case scenario).
Rest assured: Like the McRib before it, we will probably encounter the Chicken Big Mac again. Or, if you're creative and have some spare cash, you can try kitbashing your own with two McChickens and a Big Mac, no onions. NO ONE WILL STOP YOU.
