RuPaul's Drag Race Season 18, Episodes 5-6
"The Rate-A-Queen Talent Show"
Host: RuPaul
Cast: Athena Dion, Ciara Myst, Darlene Mitchell, Discord Addams, Jane Don't, Juicy Love Dion, Kenya Pleaser, Mia Starr, Myki Meeks, Nini Coco, Vita VonTesse Starr
When Rate-a-Queen was used as a season premiere stunt, it didn't really do much to shake things up. But just by putting that twist a few episodes later, and — more importantly — letting the queens simmer and scheme on it, we've hit upon a version of Drag Race that actually feels exciting. Finally, alliances and strategy actually matter on Drag Race! Before I get into my own ratings, let's break down two weeks of strategizing in the macro and micro.
This has been an exciting two weeks, right? Sure, the math hasn't always mathed, as queens have promised what feels like unlimited #1 placements when they only have one to give, but I don't care. Instead of watching queens talk about alliances in a format where everything is predetermined, like in every season of All Stars, these conversations gave us real consequences.
Let's start with the two big alliances: Florida and GLAM! The Florida alliance is one every queen saw coming from the minute Athena Dion, Juicy Love Dion, and Mia Starr walked through the door. What no one saw coming, though, was Kenya Pleaser being in the right place at the right time, within earshot of Athena saying, "If only we had a fourth person in this alliance!" Now, I don't think this alliance kept anyone out of the top spot last week. As much fun as Nini Coco's praying mantis number was, Juicy and Mia more than earned their top placements. Instead, the only person to really benefit from the Florida alliance is the bitch from South Carolina. Mia putting Kenya in her #1 spot this week likely kept Kenya out of the bottom two.
The other alliance — GLAM! — really didn't work. Five people in an alliance was likely too many, especially when two of those queens (Mia and Kenya) were already in another alliance. Nini absolutely clocks it this week, noting that GLAM! didn't get her in the top two last week, and it didn't keep Ciara Myst — the brains behind this failed alliance — out of the bottom last week. Ultimately, the bottom two are both from this alliance: Ciara and Myki Meeks, who absolutely was not the worst this week. The judges liked Myki! Kenya sure did stumble her way into being a strategic mastermind.
Then there's the Vita VonTesse Starr and Discord Addams, whose secret alliance paid off for both of them ... even though both of them were secretly only half committed to their secret alliance. In secret, to each other's face, they said they had each other's back — which translated to each of them ranking each other next to last. But hey — they both escaped the lip sync!
As for my rankings ...
11. Discord Addams (Part 2)
No, god. I have ranted about this plenty, but there is nothing cringier than trying to be "rock and roll" on Drag Race — because being rock and roll has to be natural. Being a try-hard is not rock and roll. Not caring is rock and roll, but you have to be so fucking good that you can still be sickening while looking like you don't care. Bosco is rock and roll. Discord is a try hard. And miming playing three instruments — poorly — while lip syncing to a song about how dumb talent show songs are is just not cool. Discord is very lucky that, presumably, her halfhearted alliance with week one's clear bottom kept her from being an actual bottom.
10. Vita VonTesse Starr (Part 1)
I don't even know what this was. Aerobics, sure! The look: fine (but the sneakers: a choice). The point of view? Absent. Why were her weights cookies? This entire number felt like a last-minute decision, and it should've been in last place.
9. Kenya Pleaser (Part 2)
If Michelle Visage looks you dead in the eyes and tells you to learn your lyrics, learn your lyrics. I was also a little excited when Kenya said last week that her talent would be flag twirling. An actual talent, one we have rarely seen on Drag Race (Latrice Royale in All Stars 4 being the only other that comes to mind). But the flag portion ended up being a few seconds tacked onto the end of a typical lip sync number where Kenya fought the lyrics and her ponytail.
8. Ciara Myst (Part 1)
I'm not going to front like this was good, exactly. Spoken word is hard to do in a talent show, especially if you're not going to make it comedic (like Tatianna in All Stars 2). But spoken word can still be fierce (Sasha Velour's verse in "Category Is..."), and this wasn't fierce. It did have one good costume reveal, though, and that's more than I can say about Vita.
7. Darlene Mitchell (Part 1)
I liked this, but I liked this mainly because I like Darlene. The point of view was there (hey, sexual innuendo involving tools!) but the performance needed to be dialed up. Perfectly average.
6. Athena Dion (Part 2)
Here's where the alliances started to pay off, because Athena's number was also perfectly average. We got cultural heritage realness, a few reveals, but nothing exceptionally sickening. It was not a disappointment and, if anything, it's Athena's first real win of the season. It was also her first actual win, but I also don't think it was necessarily the best of this week. Still, she came out on top because of her alliance with Juicy and Mia, as well as Darlene.
5. Myki Meeks (Part 2)
Hot take, but, Myki ate this? Bride of Frankenstein burlesque, the right mix of campy, cunty, and creepy, with a genuine gaggy reveal when she bites off her finger. Could it have used another stunt — like a wig reveal into an exposed brain moment? Sure. But this was unexpected and fun, and I think it only ended up in the bottom because Kenya and Discord were part of successful alliances. No one was looking out for Myki, so when she landed in the bottom, at least we knew why.
4. Nini Coco (Part 1)
Let me weigh in on the discourse here by saying, it is not cheating to do something that you do well in the talent show! Nini went viral for this number? That's not an unfair advantage. That's Nini knowing what she does well! She's taking Dolly Parton's advice: find out who you are and then do it on purpose. And just because the other queens knew the number doesn't mean RuPaul or the hilarious Ross Mathews know it. (Am I outing myself as an old if I didn't know this number?)
3. Mia Starr (Part 1)
No notes for this number. Flawless victory. Remember: the Main Stage of Drag Race has nothing on the halftime show at the Super Bowl, and Mia exudes that kind of confidence. The only things holding her back were those wigs and ta-tas. Too ugly, too big, too distracting!
2. Jane Don't (Part 2)
I was worried when Jane said this was a specific Bette Midler reference, because that's the kind of thing producers keep in an episode to set up a huge fail. This could have been too deep cut a reference, or Jane could've been clocked for setting the bar too high, inviting a comparison to a legitimate icon. But here's the thing: I don't know the reference, and this all still worked. Absolute LOLs; if the material was lightly borrowed, Jane still delivered it effortlessly and owned every syllable. Plus the look? Gorgeous. Even with the biggest target on her back, even without an alliance looking out for her, she still made it to the top two this week. Lord, this is the kind of queen I want to be.
1. Juicy Love Dion (Part 1)
I mean. There's something to be said about lip syncing to an original track being boring. But. When it hits? It hits. And it works in Juicy's favor that not only is she an immaculate dancer, but she brings that dexterity and agility into her lip syncing. She sold this with every inch of her body, and that's what made her the top of the tops these past two weeks — for me.
Of course, I am not a queen in this cast, nor was I even asked to sit on the not-judges' panel. Instead, other choices were made! Juicy and Mia tore it up against each other and came away with a deserved double-win. I mean, sure, why not? But Athena vs. Jane ...
It's the same problem as Discord's entire number. Jane just performed the song. She didn't perform it "like" a rocker. She just performed it, and gave a really cool performance, which is therefore a rock performance. Athena, however, gave a "rock performance," complete with air guitar (although props for using a prop, I guess), and therefore gave a bad rock performance. Air guitar. Never. Looks. Cool. Ever. The best thing I can say about Athena's performance is, at least she didn't stick her tongue out. But Athena wins, which I'm sure Jane is fine with. And maybe, just maybe, it'll make Athena feel less bitter-boots about not getting picked in the Q-Pop challenge from a million weeks ago.
And with all that, we come to the Lip Sync for Your Life between Ciara Myst and Myki Meeks, to "Toxic." And, despite having double the amount of time to prepare, Ciara — as Kenya puts it — "white girls" her way through it. Myki sells it, giving a bit of Elvira cheekiness, and making those intestines twirl.
And, in a blink and miss it moment that just broke my heart, Ru turns to Michelle and says, "Jiggly did that in Season 4." Jiggy Caliente died just a few months — maybe even weeks — before this episode filmed last year. Ugh.
Myki stays (after a bit of a tongue-tied joke about "leaving with all her teeth" that, honestly, just endeared her even more to me) and Ciara goes ... after an even more awkward exit line.
So what did we learn after this two-week extravagonzo? I can handle Mr. Rigor Morris when it comes from the queens forming alliances, and less so when it comes from the producers.
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