There are a number of reasons to start a worker-owned media company focusing on popular culture. There's sticking it to the billionaires, there's unshackling journalism from the ball and chain of clicks, there's giving a big middle finger to the algorithm. And then there are the … ulterior … motives. The ones that you leave off the "About Us" page. I'm talking about using the power bequeathed upon me by myself, as editor-in-chief of this website, to do something that I would never be allowed to do were I toiling away under the rule of Bobby Big Bucks at a site where people only read articles about the latest episode of a vaguely right-wing soap opera disguised as prestige television. I'm writing this article because I have a list of demands, demands that I am issuing to Hasbro.
Yeah, Hasbro, the toy company. The company behind Marvel Legends, a line of six-inch action figures immortalizing the heroes, villains, and every weirdo in-between from the Marvel Comics publishing initiative. My toy collection goes back as far as I can remember, and my love of Marvel toys almost as long as that. And Marvel Legends? Y'all, I was there with all the OGs, scratching my head as to why Toad was one of the very first four Marvel Legends figures depicted in the highly detailed and oddly grotesque proportions of turn-of-the-century action figures. And now here we are, closing out 2024, and I still have a list of demands. Listen up, Hasbro! This is for you, Ryan, Dwight, and Dan! I expect answers, or at least to be put on a press list.
These are the Marvel Legends figures that I am still waiting for, Hasbro (and there are technically way more than ten).
Sersi ('70s) and Crystal ('90s)
Like gargantuan Kirby-designed ships passing in the pitch black expanse of the cosmos, the first-ever action figures for two women — forever linked in my mind by '90s trading cards — are scattered across the decades and thus never to be placed side by side in Marvel displays built around the 1970s and 1990s. Sersi and Crystal, two of the more obscure characters in the Marvel pantheon, getting action figures at all was a longshot. But '90s Sersi and '70s Crystal? Perfection. Fantastic choices. Sersi's jacket, Crystal being paired with Lockjaw — it’s the stuff of old ToyFare wishlists. But … whither '70s Sersi, with her spritely green bodysuit? Or Crystal, in her jacket and white/black jumpsuit? More jackets, please. The '90s Avengers lineup is incomplete, and Crystal will forever be cold. Or hot. Depending on which part of her powers she's using.
Professor X (Action Jumpsuit!)
Every other X-Man has had their '90s awesomeness indulged. The original Jim Lee Rogue figure got a blowout and fresh makeup for that Target exclusive. Cyclops, Storm, Jean — they all got cell-shaded repaints. We have a Maggott figure! And then there's Professor X in his stuffy suit. Where is his G.I. Joe-adjacent action jumpsuit? Must I forever be forced to pop off Xavier's bald head and slap it on the West Coast Avengers box-set Hank Pym? Oh, oh I will, because I can't foresee a reason to ever display disgraced, post-divorce Hank Pym on my bookcase. But Professor X in his olive green coveralls, the look he sported while Eat Pray Loving throughout the Savage Land? Give it to me now!
Banshee (The Deep V)
I don't care if we just got a Strike Team Banshee, and I don't care if he remains one of the best (and sexiest) figures Hasbro has ever produced. I'm greedy. I need another Banshee, in his '70s green-and-yellow pajamas, please. And let's really lean into his too-old-for-this-shit daddy vibe! Sideburns, a pipe, chest hair—give it to us. Serve it, Sean Cassidy.
More Wasps
This is the only circumstances under which I will cry out, "More wasps, please!" Janet Van Dyne, the fashion plate of the Marvel Universe, is so far represented in plastic via a truly random costume from the early '00s (it is barely visible in the tippy-top far right corner above!) and her original look, oh she of the cone head and headset. Wasp has, to date, worn more costumes than Madonna. Marvel Legends should be turning out a new Jan every year. There should be box sets filled with all of the endless looks, mix-and-match parts to recreate as many as possible. I honestly don't even have one Wasp design in mind. I just want more Wasps!
The Original X-Men Uniform Box Set
Hasbro, you really opened Pandora's box with those X-Men Strike Team box sets. Now that I know y'all are into team-based box sets and indulging us in exchangeable heads, I have a wild request for you that will make you so much money. You know who all wore the same uniforms? The original five X-Men and the New Mutants. You know which characters have zero figures, or at least zero affordable figures, available? The O5 X-Men (previously only available as a hella discontinued box set from a hella discontinued store) and the New Mutants. Give us a box set with four bodies and two heads each:
- Slim Man with Cyclops and Cannonball heads
- Petite Woman with Kitty Pryde and Wolfsbane heads
- Average Build Man with Cypher and Angel heads
- Average Build Woman with Jean Grey and Dani Moonstar heads
Toss in the lower-torso blast-off stand for Cannonball, wings for Angel, and maybe a moderately articulated wolf for Rahne's alt state. Boom. You have a box set of four figures that make eight characters and a reason for every single X-Men fan to buy two sets. And you know X-fans! We will find uses for all of the doubled up heads! PLEASE!
Namorita
You know this. Honestly, the nerve of giving us original New Warriors designs for the team — and then saddling us with Namorita's most short-lived look? Shame. Shame. The worst injustice done to Namorita since Civil War!
The Brood
Okay, of all the original Hasbro build-a-figures, the Brood sculpt does hold up. You know what doesn't hold up? Me, after buying this 20-year-old figure on eBay, because I'm now broke and out on the street. Come on, it's the Brood! One of the most iconic X-villains and Marvel aliens, period. And toyetic! And also necessary, because Hasbro has yet to make a truly honest-to-the-original-design Brood figure. What else do I have to do? Beg? I'm begging. I thought it was pretty clear that I'm begging.
Storm (The Lightning Bolt Power Suit)
I dunno, I just want to be able to recreate the original Toy Biz X-figure lineup from 1991. Ya'll've given us the rest of them! And we have a lot of Storms! Where is this Storm? There better be some thunder in your 2025 forecast, Hasbro. Oh — and that thunder better come with long and short hair.
Adam Warlock ('70s)
Jim Starlin did not wander the streets of New York City, tripping his brains out and putting pen to paper to create the freakiest and most elaborate cosmic saga in Marvel comics history, just to have his leading man be represented in plastic by a far-less-groovy 2008 design.
Phoenix (Rachel Summers)
Seriously, what did Rachel ever do to you, Hasbro? Not only did she survive multiple apocalyptic futures and decades in the closet, she now has to suffer the indignity of only ever getting one action figure — the Chris Bachalo miniskirt design! — despite 40 years of primo X-comic prominence. X-Men fans are owed an entire Rachel Summers wave at this point, with a Sentinel-sized Phoenix bird build-a-figure.
Feral
Complete with pigeon coop. Jokes aside (although much like Feral in her origin storyline, I am very much not joking), Feral is too essential to '90s X-Men vibes, to essential to the X-Force lineup to be stuck with one measly Toy Biz figure that was only available via mail-in — and honestly, I can't figure out where she came from. Y'all say it's ToyFare, but baby, I worked at Wizard Entertainment! ToyFare exclusives were scattered everywhere. There were literal coffee mugs full of Madroxes. I can't find any evidence of where that '90s Toy Biz Feral comes from! But it doesn't matter, because we need a Marvel Legends Feral right now. In her Liefeld-era look, I guess, even though the Greg Capullo redesign is vastly superior. But hey — beggars can't be choosers. But beggars can be editors-in-chiefs.
