At the D23 celebration in Brazil, Disney leaked the names of the 13 big villains who are going to be the stars of their upcoming Villains Land at Walt Disney World. Villains Land has been teased for years and it looks like shovels will be hitting dirt behind Big Thunder Mountain very, very soon. Disney fans throughout the world are psyched — but who are the big, bad names? And how evil is evil, really?
Dear readers, I contain multitudes. Not only am I a handsome writer for Pop Heist, I'm also getting my master's degree in theology. That puts me in the interesting position to rank the 13 villains by likelihood that they would commit the evilest of evil deeds: betraying Christ to the Romans for 30 pieces of silver.
13. Jafar (Aladdin)
Follow along with me here: Genies are really djinn, and the Quran mentions djinn several times. Jafar obviously believes in the djinn, since he's trying to capture one, and as a Muslim has probably done his research into them from an Islamic point of view. Having done so, he would have read Surah 72:1-28, about the company of djinn who listened and believed in the word of the Prophet. If the djinn believe in the power of the Quran, then they, and by extension Jafar, would also believe that Jesus is the penultimate prophet of God, and not wish him any harm. So Jafar is way down the list, because I assume he is trying to keep most of the laws of Islam — the crimes on his quest for immense cosmic power notwithstanding.
12. The Evil Queen (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)
The Evil Queen from Snow White has one thing keeping her from betraying Christ to the Roman authorities: her temporal power as the head of a Medieval European nation-state. And who confers that power? Not dwarfs in a cottage. Not a huntsman. Not evil trees. Nope, her power comes from one place: the Church. If she doesn't have the backing of the Church, she loses it all. One word from them (well, several words, since there would be a trial) would excommunicate her, which would strip her of most of her authority. No one as insecure as the Evil Queen would risk losing it all for a small payday. She knows where her bread (really a communion wafer) is buttered.
11. Hades (Hercules)
Christianity totally blows up Hades's spot in the Greek pantheon, so he's super cautious about setting off anything that's going to erase nearly 600 years of pan-Hellenic glory on a single Friday. He's the god of the underworld, so he knows that his realm will never hold Jesus anyway, not more than three days. It's a lose-lose proposition. Hades, by his nature, probably wouldn't do anything to stop Judas from kissing Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, but set the ball in motion? Hades is way too cautious for that kind of thing. Still, it would be kind of funny if Pain and Panic were the devils that tempted Jesus in the desert.
10. Mother Gothel (Tangled)
Mother Gothel from Tangled is a villain who understands consequences and understands magic. She knows that if she releases Rapunzel from the tower, her source of "fountain of youth" energy evaporates. Therefore, she knows that if she betrays Christ in the garden of Gethsemane, bad things are going to happen to her. Just look at what happens to Judas! He either falls down a cliff or hangs himself, or hangs himself on a cliff and the rope breaks and he falls down the cliff (I've seen this very explanation that justifies two different deaths in the Gospels before). She's seen Jesus perform miracles, she's heard him prophesize the destruction of the Temple, she knows that if she points him out to Rome that she's gonna get got somehow — and probably in a weirdly magical way. But … she thinks she knows magic really well. She's not at the bottom of the list because she thinks maybe … maybe I'm the better sorcerer.
9. Ursula (The Little Mermaid)
In the Hebrew Bible, Leviathan is a sea monster that is thoroughly trounced by God in Psalm 74 and Isaiah 27. Leviathan is a sea monster, and when he gets killed, there's another sea monster out for revenge ... THIS SUMMER, IT'S URSULA VS. CHRIST.
Ursula probably has a lot of grievances against the Judeo-Christian god, going all the way back to losing part of the ocean when the earth was created, losing more of it when Noah's floodwaters receded, and then Jesus doesn't even get wet when he walks across the Sea of Galilee. See, Ursula's been there since Genesis 5, when God creates "the great sea monsters," so she's seen all of this go down. She's got a bone to pick with her creator, and she's no stranger to sinister plots. Unfortunately, as ancient Judea is mostly desert, she doesn't have much of an opportunity to get out of the water to betray Jesus.
8. Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)
He's a maybe. If he did betray Christ, it was probably because someone told him it would help his image. He doesn't need the silver. He'd just like the prestige that comes with going down in history as the one who ratted on the Son of Man. He's going to be sitting in the last circle of the Inferno being chomped on by Satan going, "Everybody knows my name now." No one yells like Gaston, no one tells like Gaston, no one does deicide, goes to hell like Gaston.
7. Yzma (The Emperor's New Groove)
Yzma is an Inca and historically they were never treated well by Christian colonizers. Pizarro more or less wiped them out by 1572, so she has an axe to grind. She's a villain, sure, but more than anything she's a patriot. She wants to stop the future problem at its source in 33 CE by setting the big betrayal up as an elaborate scheme. But she entrusts part of her plan to Kronk, which is always a mistake. Despite being Jewish (he canonically is), Kronk fails to gain entry into the Temple and instead bumbles around and knocks over several of the moneychangers' tables in the courtyard. Uh-oh! Jesus is completely in the clear and now the authorities want Kronk's head! Please see my upcoming Kronk-In-Jesus-Times fanfiction to see how this kooky mix-up turns out!
6. Captain Hook (Peter Pan)
The wicked pirate captain from Peter Pan is driven by one thing: jealousy that the Lost Boys aren't hanging out without him. He's got his pirate crew, but they're all lazy middle-aged dudes and Smee, who's, like, in his 70s. He sees Jesus walking around Galilee with his crew of buds and he's like, "I want to be the 12th, but that role's filled by Judas." In this scenario, Judas is planning to betray Jesus later, but Captain Hook gets there first. Hook is furious and writes a strongly worded letter to Pilate, who lets it slide, but then Hook starts a whisper campaign around Jerusalem that Jesus is going to claim power for himself and it's all over. He probably didn't have to be so petty, but hey, he's Captain Hook, the master of the inferiority complex.
5. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)
She is petty. The queen of all Disney villains cursed Briar Rose when she wasn't invited to a baby shower. That's a level of petty she could weaponize against Jesus in a heartbeat. She could take offense at "Many are called, few are chosen," because she remembers how she was neither called nor chosen to attend that fateful baby shower. She could see how Jesus damns the fig tree and loses it because she can make thorny plants grow and she's a big fan of thorny plants. She could get pissed that Jesus raises Jairus's daughter from the dead because how dare girls not stay dead, dammit. Industrial-level petty. Bonus: she will also become a dragon sometime after Pentecost.
4. Cruella de Vil (One Hundred and One Dalmatians)
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's all about that 30 pieces of silver. Cruella is all about chasing that paper and 30 pieces of silver could be turned into some new piece of flair, or something shiny for her car. Granted, Biblical scholars have debated the value of that silver for centuries, claiming that it could be as little as five days wages or 120 days. The silver value itself ranges from $91-$441, although if it were a Tyrian shekel you could get nearly $2500 for one on eBay now. Point is, if someone makes an offer to Cruella and that offer is in legal tender? She's marching straight off to the Roman authorities and saying, "I'm the vampire bat, the inhuman beast who is going to betray Christ for you."
3. Queen of Hearts (Alice in Wonderland)
Probably would. She's a sneaky backstabber in general. First she plays a nice game of croquet with Alice, then she's throwing Alice on trial and wanting her head chopped off. In fact, she's a huge fan of capital punishment in general, doesn't matter who is getting it. While she may be "off with her head!" throughout Alice in Wonderland, which would be more of a John the Baptist thing, I can see her pivoting to the slow, excruciating death of crucifixion should the mood strike her. She's not even seeing Jesus as a holy figure. She's just looking to get some use out of that big crucifix that she had her card soldiers create in the backyard.
2. Lady Tremaine (Cinderella)
The villainess from Cinderella? Betraying Christ? You betcha. He's low class, below a commoner. She's protective of her status and an itinerant street preacher, no matter how popular he is, makes her look bad. He makes all of her friends look bad. She's having big sumptuous galas at her palace and there's this barefoot man eating … with TAX COLLECTORS? PROSTITUTES? EXCUSE ME? She's not having this. She's going full Karen on Jesus and his team, calling the cops when he and his boys are enjoying a night under the stars. And what's worse is she's going to be there on his execution day, provoking the crowd with her NIMBY bullshit.
1. Chernabog (Fantasia)
Oh, see, he's the devil. No doubts about it, Chernabog is none other than Satan himself, setting his demon minions to work doing whatever they do at the end of Fantasia (mostly flit around). He's 1000% down to betray Christ. It's, like, the thing he's known for. There's plenty of art about this very thing, with Judas hearing the devil's honeyed words before he makes the decision to betray him with a kiss. There's no question about it. Chernabog would do it, he did it, and he'd do it again for all the cosmic hassle it brought him. Top of the list canonically.
