It's the holiday season again, and I just want to remind all you kids that Santa Claus, despite what your parents told you, is dead, and has been dead for 1,681 years. It's a shame, but, well, as he was canonized by the Catholic Church, he's probably fine being dead and getting to hang out with Jesus all the time. He was a huge fan of Jesus.
I mention this because some interesting archaeological proof of the right jolly old elf's demise has just come to light in Türkiye. Tradition holds that the real-life Saint Nick, Bishop Nicholas of Myra, was buried in the church that bears his name in Demre, Antalya. Aaaaand … they found his sarcophagus.
Or, at least they think they did. Digging beneath the floor of the church as part of a multi-year project, archaeologists have uncovered a limestone sarcophagus six feet underground. According to the history of the church, the original tomb had to be moved to prevent it being submerged by rising sea levels, ending up attached to the basilica's foundation. When the remains of the original mosaic floor were excavated, the discovery of the tomb followed.
Like anything in archaeology, it's not a done deal. So far, as of the beginning of December, only the lid and part of the burial chamber have been cleared, with more work scheduled over the next few months. And even if this is the 100% genuine tomb of St. Nicholas, the odds are against any bits of him remaining. There are plenty of legends about how Santa's body was torn apart by relic hunters throughout the years, the most notable being 47 ships from Venice and Bari that stole the body and brought it back with them to Italy. Currently 24 countries claim relics from the Saint, and all the king's reindeer and all the king's men couldn't put him back together again.
Historically, there are two sides to Papa Noel. On one hand, he's a miracle worker and the patron saint of children, unmarried women, pharmacists, boot blacks, thieves, and pawnbrokers. That's the one who supposedly shows up on Christmas Eve and eats cookies. The other is a firebrand bishop with a violent streak.
Mild-mannered Saint Nick of legends is a good dude. He delivered dowries to three poor women, allowing them to get married and avoid a life of prostitution. He leapt in front of a swinging sword to save three men from execution. He resurrected three boys who had been slaughtered by a butcher who was planning on selling them as ham. The butcher had begun pickling the boys and Saint Nicholas was still able to bring them back, leading to the morbid tradition of the Christmas pickle ornament on the tree.
As bishop though, he's most notable for being one of 300 bishops who attended the First Council of Nicaea in 325. When the Egyptian bishop Arias continued to argue that Jesus the Son was not equal to God the Father, Nicholas literally slapped the heresy out of his mouth. For this physical assault, he was stripped of his office by Constantine himself, but thanks to a jail cell vision of Jesus and Mary, he was reinstated and all was forgiven. Except for Arias, who was exiled, his works burned, and eventually died by shitting out his organs.
So while you enjoy your Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes and rock around the Christmas tree to "Up On the Housetop," remember the real Saint Nicholas, famous for un-pickling boys and whupping on heretics. And remind yourself that yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and that he died in A.D. 343 and was probably buried in Türkiye.
