RuPaul's Drag Race Season 17, Episode 12
"Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent Monologues"
Director: Nick Murray
Cast: Jewels Sparkles, Lana Ja'Rae, Lexi Love, Onya Nurve, Sam Star, Suzie Toot
Project Runway was a wild competition show. Set in the heart of NYC for the majority of its run, pretty much every episode would start with Tim Gunn entering the work room, saying, "De-sigh-nurs, gather 'round..." and teasing the week's challenge. Then the entire cast would be whisked away to some part of the city — maybe the Met, maybe a Broadway show, maybe Michael Kors' own flagship store, or maybe the Coney Island boardwalk where they were challenged with coming up with adjectives for yogurt that would then inspire the garments in their unconventional materials challenge — the materials being stuffed toys they won playing carnival games. Point is, there was something to every challenge, every week, and the show felt adventurous and unpredictable.
Anyway — on this week's episode of RuPaul's Drag Race, the queens are given leotards and an index card with a prompt and told to write a monologue and prepare an interpretive dance for the Main Stage.
I don't know what else to say, other than — if any reality show was in dire need of a "New Era," it's not Survivor. It's Drag Race.
The problems with the C.U.N.T. Monologues as a concept are many: it has no modern cultural relevance (and the show doesn't even take a moment to teach us about The Vagina Monologues the way it handheld us through Truman Capote last week); it has vague metrics for success; it somehow feels both too complicated and too simple at the same time; it's cheap.
This is RuPaul's Drag Race, winner of the most reality competition show Emmys ever. Like, Top Chef doesn't cast for personality, but they spend every episode cooking on-location in the season's city of choice. Survivor recycles challenge elements like they were LEGO blocks, but they also don't interfere in eliminations and let them play out naturally. The Traitors — last year's Emmy winner — primarily confines its cast to a castle, but their challenges frequently require helicopters. Drag Race: step your pussy up.
There's not much to really say about "The C.U.N.T. Monologues," other than the entire episode felt like a trap designed to catch Lana Ja'Rae and send her packing. Suzie Toot and Jewels Sparkles were punished for taking the challenge too seriously / being too polished. Lexi Love and Onya Nurve won, despite Lexi only telling half a story. And Sam Star and Lana landed in the bottom, rightfully, although Lana arguably won the lip sync. But it was her time, no matter what actually transpired on stage!
Moving on.
Something complimentary about Season 17: I truly have no idea who is going to make it to the finale, let alone win. This is an incredibly close season and anyone could win! I'm going to run down the final five and — knowing that the next episode is the makeover challenge — try to see if I can sort these queens into a final ranking.
Jewels Sparkles
Track Record: 1 WIN (design), 1 LSFYL // Of the final five, Jewels is the one that has been most consistently slept on. She spent the first half of the season safe, and the back half hitting high highs and low lows.
Storyline: Even though she wasn't getting critiqued, Jewels has been the narrator of the season. It seems clear that producers like her, and she kicked off the most chaotic running order drama in the franchise's global history. It feels like she's one major breakthrough (positive) away from securing a place in the finale.
Can she survive a makeover challenge? Yes, and I think a loved ones makeover is exactly the time to get more into the bionic spine of it all. If she can cry during critiques and win the challenge? She's in the finale, mama.
Does she make RuPaul laugh? An essential metric. I think much to Ru's surprise, yes. Jewels isn't funny with Ru conversationally like others, but she did make Ru lose her shit during Snatch Game and the mad libs bio Mini-Challenge last week.
Verdict: I think Jewels is a lock for at least 3rd/4th place, primarily because I don't foresee the makeover challenge being a stumbling block for her. If she wins the makeover challenge, though, that could be the narrative push she needs to make it to the final two.
Lexi Love
Track Record: 2 WINS (talent, "stand-up"), 0 LSFYL // Lexi has the honor of having won the first challenge and most recent challenge of the season, which goes a long way to make us forget her six-week streak of being safe earlier this season.
Storyline: Oh lord. Lexi is nothing but storyline. Lexi has spent the season pulling storylines out of thin air. Her storyline has been one of perseverance and overcoming her inner saboteur, which unfortunately is a storyline that feels complete after her winning the C.U.N.T. Monologues.
Can she survive a makeover challenge? The makeover challenge is already one of the most high-pressure challenges of the season. How do you think Lexi is going to handle having a loved one thrown in the mix — especially since she spent a not-insignificant portion of the C.U.N.T. monologue prep avoiding talking about her past? I think this could be where Lexi stumbles.
Does she make RuPaul laugh? No. I mean, not intentionally. I think Lexi is lucky that Ru finds her nervous energy hilarious (see: Snatch Game).
Verdict: I think Lexi's time may be up — and I think she comes back and kills an All Stars season once she's a bit less chaotic.
Onya Nurve
Track Record: 4 WINS (singing, Snatch Game, acting, "stand-up"), 0 LSFYL // Onya has the best track record by far, which is actually kind of a curse. Onya is the eighth queen to win 4 challenges in a regular Drag Race season, but only three of those queens (Sharon Needles, Symone, Sasha Colby) won the crown. The other four (Shea Couleé, Gigi Goode, Sapphira Cristál, Plane Jane) came up short.
Storyline: Onya's storyline has been pretty impeccable. She's given the show everything it needs from a contestant and potential winner: Onya's served an underdog-into-frontrunner narrative, she's had two big Werk Room fights, she's shown tearful vulnerability, and she's delivered some fantastic "keeping it 100" moments in Untucked. She's done all this while maintaining dignity and integrity. It's remarkable.
Can she survive a makeover challenge? Onya's not exactly known for her makeup, but if her loved one has as much natural charisma as her? I can't see them putting her in the bottom.
Does she make RuPaul laugh? More so than any other queen in recent memory.
Verdict: Top 2, period. Likely winner.
Sam Star
Track Record: 2 WINS (design, Rusical), 1 LSFYL // Sam's gotten a lot of stage time this season, having been high or low in all but three episodes. And if you're going to lip sync for your life, doing so right before the finale is a good way for a winning queen to give the producers vulnerability.
Storyline: Sam has, weirdly enough, been a kind of calming presence in Season 17 — which is wild to say because Sam's body language outpaces a hummingbird. But aside from her shaking off the seriousness and embracing her goofiness, she's really been there to provide support (and reads) to the other queens.
Can she survive a makeover challenge? She can crush a makeover challenge, and it's almost always a pageant girl like Sam who wins the makeover challenge.
Does she make RuPaul laugh? Yes, and the fact that she does is a major part of her storyline. Win-win.
Verdict: Finalist for sure, and maybe even final 2 with Onya.
Suzie Toot
Track Record: 2 WINS (talent, acting), 0 LSFYL // For a queen who has had every other girl quaking in their heels, Suzie's track record is kind of mid. Two wins early on, but then she bounced between safe and high for the rest of the season. The fact that she's never lip synced for her life gives the producers one last gaggy hurdle to put in her way.
Storyline: Suzie has been more of a main character in her sisters' heads than she has been in the season. She had a very ... unique underdog-to-antagonist pivot halfway through that doesn't exactly give Winner Energy.
Can she survive a makeover challenge? It's a toss-up. Real talk: I think Suzie is stealthily a solid makeup artist??? She's actually shaken up her mug multiple times this season and not once had a Derrick Barry Tries Eyebrows fail. I think it's more important to ask if the producers want her to survive the makeover challenge. Three of our final five have never been in the bottom two: Onya, Suzie, and Lexi. And considering that Lexi has built Suzie up to be her literal sleep paralysis demon, I kinda think we gotta see these two go head to head, no matter how well either of them do in the makeover challenge.
Does she make RuPaul laugh? Yes, from the start, which is probably why she's so intimidating.
Verdict: I think Suzie and Lexi are on a collision course, and I think Suzie's walking away from it into the finale.
But once we get to the finale, I think Onya's the only lock for top two. There's still a lot of story to tell in these final few episodes, and the competition remains too close to call.
